Facts about my grandfather

- he is my grandfather
- he can kick your grandfather's ass
- he won world war 2
- he loves my grandmother
- he is a cyborg
- he showed Chuck Norris how to wear a beard
- he wont wear a kilt
- he snores
- he traveled alone to the center of the earth
- he speaks the gypsy language
- he likes chocolate
- he is an X games platinum medalist
- he has royal blood
- Frank Sinatra was my grandfathers stunt double
- he outran Usain Bolt
- he cant get a tattoo, sharp needles get blunt if they come in contact with his skin
- he never got the flew
- he trained Pele
- Scarface the movie was inspired by his life
- he thought Kal-El how to fly
- he read all the books ever written
- Gene Kelly took dancing lessons from my grandfather
- he built the sarcophagus for the Chernobyl reactor barehanded
- he simultaneous won the Nobel award for peace and war
- he barbecued Road Runner for Easter
- he is the real Stig
- he decided the distances between the planets in the universe
- he wrote wikipedia
- he can call you via telekinesis
- he invented the "mind fuck" genre
- he is the only guy who works on Christmas dressed in a red suit
- he knows all the jokes/pranks
- he is such a bad ass even Tommy Lee got scared of him

Best grandpa ever ... keep it going dude !!!

Nneka is awesome !!!

Nigerian artist moved to the US and like most black artists her stile is a mix between R&B, jazz, hip hop, pop and African highlife, anyway she's different ... and she will get an Emmy because I say so !

Nneka - Heartbeat .flv
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The fat fucks !!!

So my girlfriend convinced me into getting a 1 room apartment so we are looking for apartments now, we went yesterday to see one at the 10th floor in one block. We met with 2 ladies which took us to see the apartment, to get to the 10th floor we had to take the elevator by turn 1st me + my girlfriend and the other 2 ladies separately because they were so ginormous, I was about to tell them that a walk up to the 10th floor would help them get a hearth attack and spare us with their unpleasant presence. Once at the 10th floor more fat fucks joined us from other apartments so we had the 2 fat ladies + 1 hairy fat boar which insisted to tell us jokes about apartments ( he was lucky he had a good flow and I could not interrupt him with my best sweaty pig joke )+ 1 fat wife with her eyes popped out + 1 50 kg 7 year old kid, I felt like I was a Slim Fast sales agent preaching about diets based on chocolate and stakes for the bloby crowd. There we were in the pig stall when I had this brilliant business idea, based on the "before and after" pictures showed on the teleshopping channels I will open "The before picture model agency" and make my models eat until they look like Jabba the Hut, even made yesterday my 1st shoot in collaboration with an agency called "Heroic Freak Finder" check out the result:

The apartment was a mess, the balcony felt like it was about to fall, the parquet was complaining about the owners weight, the walls had water infiltration marks ... so we started to complain about this stuff in hope they will drop the price but no they started to bitch around about the great investment with this apartment and the real estate value in the area, anyway I told them my opinion about the value of their 10th floor shit hole. On our way out the fat boar showed us how to use the elevator without closing the doors in hope we will appreciate his extreme ( fat ) style and since he showed me a trick I wanted to show him my trick but its complexity made me not pass my knowledge to him instead I will draw a scheme called "cheapest way to kill 5 fat fucks" ... check it out:

Well I just told everybody that I'm not fat people friendly especially wise ass fat people, if you get fat because you eat more than enough and don't get any exercise you will die, if you are fat already and try to lose weight you will fail ... if you don't fail you are welcomed in my exclusive anti obesity club.
The reality is that I'm just frustrated that in order to get an apartment I have to visit all sorts of shady places with odd owners.

/late for work ... bye !

Hard work ....

Ah crap I'm in a bad mood these days, besides my awesome job I'm also responsible with the season changing which is quite depressing, especially when I have to close the summer season and bring up the suicidal autumn mood. This year I delayed autumn intentionally because I knew the roads needed a quick fix before the everlasting rains. After a quick chat with the intergalactic road work president we agreed to fix my street just to make sure I will have a smooth ride in my limo each morning and just to show me how much of a douche he is he promised that 5 of his best engineers will take care of the works using latest extraterrestrial steam rollers.
Gosh these guys were good !!! I'm an universal expert but I've never seen so much professionalism into road works.
Check this picture out, the 5 highly qualified PHD engineers are scanning the density of the earth surrounding the road with their sonar hearing ( I have this also but hearing Barrack Obama farting in the White House gets annoying ):


Huh ??? whats up autobahn specialists ? your technology is outdated ... try the new snoreandsleeplikeapigforaliving schemes and your road will be so smooth you will have to hire gypsies to put holes in them.

Ok fellows, I have to invent some revolutionary gizmo so I wont lose more of my precious time to share with you my outrageously wast and gnarly knowledge.

Time killer

We all have those lazy days at the office when the work gets done in the 1st couple of hours and after a few more phone calls the work is done but we still have to wait and get bored, usually I start cleaning my desk, this takes maximum 10 minutes and the boring nightmare continues. I called in a few strippers they got me bored, almost felt asleep with the midget circus I had in my small office ( never hire midgets to entertain you ) I even booked Michael Jackson to perform in my office and the coward faked his death because he knew I would be disappointed ... I even tried to get aliens to land in the yard but I can't stand their stench.
When I thought I got so cool and nothing on this sorry planet could entertain me some guy sent me this awesome super phun time site.
Ladies and gentleman I would like to introduce you the one and only certified ( by me ) time killing device: Stumble upon when you enter this magnificent realm you will find in your browsers upper left corner the "Stumble" button to discover the best of the web.
This site is the best invention since the DVD rewinder.

Whoosh !!!

Real life or connected ?

These days more and more young men and women have to make this choice. Why ? well my opinion is that we live in a cruel world and everybody tends for that perfect look, the fat wallet, popularity or whatever is cool these days, unfortunately not all of us can get these certain things and some choose to isolate themselves in the perfect online world.
Right now I'm in a struggle to understand how the above mentioned think and what makes them choose to live this lonely life, I don't care about all geeks and other freaks which refuse to live their lives, I kinda care about a guy I consider one of my best friends and I have a feeling that he makes a big mistake by refusing any social interaction. Me and this guy grew up together at the beginning we didn't really came along because we both had huge ego's and couldn't figure out a way to get along, it got so far we even had to fight and the bastard kicked my ass, anyway we grew up and solved the ego problems and I consider him a pleasant company because we can talk hours about all sorts of stuff.
If you get to know this guy you will realize that he is really competitive and his ambitions become his obsessions, and it's a shame he wont focus on productive activities. A couple of years ago he told me about this awesome online game and that he will get it and try it to see if it is so awesome as some describe it, he bought the game as time passed he got hooked to it. Each time we meet he told me how complex this game is and I should join so we can play together, well I didn't join because I was to cheap to pay the 14 euro's each month for this game. For a period of time he managed to keep in balance his life and his gaming hobby, when the financial crisis hit our country he had to move with his job into another city so he quit, after quitting his job he started to play more and more and even if he had more free time we meet each other very rare. At this point I cant reach him, I try to contact him each day but he wont answer my calls and I know he is in the house because I can see that his PC monitor is turned on. I invited him to go out skiing or swimming with me and my girlfriend but he keeps refusing our invitations.
I hope he will read this and I hope it will open his eyes, because he is wasting his life for a stupid game.

Thinking whether to E-mail him a link to my blog, I guess he will get angry and deny what I wrote ....

/over

TV series

Addictive shit isn't it ?
I read somewhere that people become addicted to anything which provides a certain satisfaction ... so basically people get addicted to everything, we have sweets addiction, internet porn addiction, internet addiction ( more about this one tomorrow ), gambling addiction, cough syrup addiction, breast milk addiction ( the period when the baby gets off the breast milk and everybody blames his devilish behavior on the growing teeth ), shopping addiction, tobacco addiction, work addiction ( which is the stupidest one ever invented, we should get all workaholics together and sue the addiction ministry , because its obvious some shady government project )and a lot more even TV series addiction.
Do you know people who watch each day 1 or more episode of their favorite TV series and after that talk with other people about the series ? well they are addicted and if they start to tell you about how marvelous these series are you will become curious and get addicted sooner or later. I'm a sucker for awesome TV series and it all started with "Malcolm in the middle" loved each episode but still it didn't had that necessary something to get me hooked and everything changed when I started to follow THE SOPRANOS, man I tell you THE SOPRANOS were the best, I've seen the whole series in 2 weeks. When The Sopranos ended I was devastated, I missed Paulie Walnuts so I had to get something strong to replace Soprano addiction and I still follow this treatment which is a consistent dose of TV series / week and right now I'm following a few TV shows like: Weeds, Eureka, Everybody Hates Chris, LA INK, Entourage, Family Guy, South Park and when the brakes between the seasons come I like to watch old series like The A Team, Knight Rider, Magnum, Starsky and Hutch and a few others.
I guess this is a good addiction but it also has a few down sides, for instance I suffered like a dog when they did 2 endings for Prison Break ... the show was ruined because of these 2 alternative endings and the worst part is that poor Michael died in both. The above mentioned TV shows are like a light drug addiction but there are also the "heroin TV shows" like "the young and the restless", you are pretty much fucked if you get addicted to that, how do you feel when you know that your favorite TV show will outlive you and I'm not talking about the seniors here because the seniors are motivated to outlive Matlock.
So my young padawans choose your addiction wisely, may the force be with you !!!!

WOW !!! a Star Wars series would be dope ! George ?

Russians know reggae !!!

Everybody knows the Marley's the father started the business and out of nowhere his 125 sons, 67 girls and other close relatives are all over the radio stations. Are they the ones who represent reggae ? Yes maybe a few of them are really good artists and when you hear Marley you think of reggae or Rastafari and it's theirs, nobody can take it away.
There are a lot of artists and bands who promote reggae music, check out this rad russian band, they are kinda good even if I can't understand 1 word ... enjoy:

iBBQ

While browsing the web I found an extraordinary site about how to barbecue like an ace.
Usually I'm into light food like tuna salads or nice cheese dishes and of course like every sinner I enjoy some well done spare ribs or delicious grilled chicken wings. Eating and enjoying the good taste of a well done piece of meat is only half the satisfaction, the other half is provided by preparing the food ... nice marinade sauce, the grill at the perfect temperature, the sound of the meat on the hot grill and of course sharing everything with people I like. Grilling is really inspiring for me, almost like meditation , it gives me great yet simple ideas, makes me realize that the best things in life are simple like this rewarding piece of grilled meat and if I had a glass of vine before, Nietzsche and the other guys are no match for me the great barbecue philosopher. I would grill everywhere and every season and I have serious thoughts to build in my parents garden the best barbecue pit ever, I even have some rad ideas how to create the perfect one and who knows maybe I will integrate a small smoker into my design. My girlfriend is my BBQ queen, I only see barbecue done with meat and red flesh but she likes to put some vegetables on the grill and man I tell you those grilled onions, the grilled peppers and any other stuff that she prepares are almost as good as the best stake.
Until I've seen some barbecue masters at work I thought barbecuing is something for savage hillbillies but damn I was wrong, I like to eat healthy and I do my best to do so but a well grilled chicken breast, a well grilled stake or a nice grilled fish fillet with nice steamed vegetables and some awesome cheese are way better than a deluxe dish served by a fully waxed naked virgin in some fancy restaurant.
Check out this extraordinary web page meant as a present for humanity those guys know how to feed your stomach and while preparing the food your mind gets transmuted into a relaxing dimension
BBQ PIT BOYS <<<<<<<<< Click HERE
Enjoy the videos and have fun while grilling, check the guy's voice ... he could tame the Tasmanian Devil

Cheers !!!

P.S. just got down from the garage roof an hour ago ... zing !!!

DIY phenomenon

I'm sure you all know about the do it yourself TV shows/series/guides were some person teaches the majority how do get stuff done for free, without paying some overall wearing guy to do really simple work. Man I like these do it yourself thingies, you can get really good hints from watching them, the best part is that you can get everything done by watching DIY videos.
I started watching diy origami videos ( I had a period when I had to impress my girlfriend and I tried my best to get a really nice origami flower bouquet and eventually I had to buy real flowers because I couldn't resist more paper cuts between my fingers ... but this is another story ) it continued with diy awesome food, you can get simple and uber complicated things done by watching these guides for instance I've seen diy hearth surgery, diy intercontinental ballistic missile, diy methamphetamine, diy moonshine and the list can continue but I only tried the ones I mentioned.
So I really feel like a two time genius when I do stuff myself and it works.
My father is biggest diy fan, he does everything himself but I tell you it's hell to work with him, he is such a difficult person to work with I prefer to work alone and even if I put some nails in wood or dig a hole he has to act like a bitch and make me read the users manual for the hammer or the God damn shovel. Luckily we don't work so often together but today instead of waking up at 10 I had to help him repair the roof on our garage so we started at 8 am, just the thought of working with him next day kept me awake all night. So while having breakfast he already started to get dressed, he put on some shorts and an T-shirt and I asked him how come he wont wear his SS officer uniform and of course he got pissed of. There we were on the roof, we removed the old tiles, we got rid of some rotten wood he already got tired and began to lose his temper, he started to pick on me or corrected my work for no reason, while revealing his master plan by using his hands to indicate positions on the roof I moved my arms and he got really angry because I'm imitating his gestures and for the next 10 minutes I laughed like insane ... how can somebody be so paranoid ?
After we removed the old roof he started measuring and measuring and measuring we only had to lay 4 wooden beams with equal distance between each other on a 4 meter wide roof and give them a small slope so the water will drain, we worked 9 hours just to to mount the 4 beams, he told me he will lay the tiles on Monday and that he will be done before I come from work. I don't believe him !
He is really rigorous in everything what he does, he is a retired engineer and likes to use space craft standards in whatever he is building, the roof will be bomb proof that's for sure but it's not worth to get everything to the millimeter the roof will stand just fine it will last the same period of time and will do his job even if it doesn't have a perfect symmetry. Well he is my beloved father and his way to get stuff done, can't blame him.

OK tomorrow is Sunday and on Sunday even the divinity takes a day off ... so no awesome stories on Sunday

Have a great weekend !!!

Porn sells !!!

Everything gets pornolized starting from gaming sites and ending up with industrial rock music.
I'm not worried about the children who watch piece of shit TV shows were the host's assistants are almost naked, I'm worried about porn getting into everything.
There is this gaming site they organize each day a poll were the users vote for the pic. of the day, the pictures are not something unusual except the ones on Friday's which are pictures picked from random porn sites. Usually the winning picture has 20 up to 40 votes but on Friday ... 40 votes are for the losers, to win the Friday poll almost 100 votes are needed. Gaming goes porn soon EA will release Need For Strippers - Tune Your Boobs, news papers have already boobs and celebrity crotches on the 1st page.
We are already able to see the pornolization consequences, women and girls ( not all of them ) tend to look more and more like pornstars, they go trough this "change your look" process in the
- 1st stage they bleach their hair, get a crisp brown tan, start wearing a huge amount of make up
- 2nd stage they wear these ridiculous clothes, I mean why would somebody wear short skirts and a tiny T-shirt while shopping for Christmas gifts in winter ? we have really cold winters your junk might freeze honey ! In the summer time they wear leggings ( which sometimes look like gimp suit pants ) and boots or even clear hills ... it's just not right.
- 3rd stage marry some rich old fart which is usually shorter
- 4th stage they want to become singers or actresses some of them even become assistants for some TV show host.
Even men try their best to look like a pornstar they start shaving their legs, work out, put an excessive amount of gel in their hair, get their eyebrows done, manicure and pedicure treatments, wear white clothes and do other disgusting things that I don't even know about.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some kind of women hater or some dirty male gorilla but some things are not supposed to be used in selling stuff, yes I know it's cheaper and easier to sell a magazine/tv show/newspaper by showing boobs instead of offering a high quality product or clever entertainment, people are dumb enough and we will become apes in a short period of time if we are constantly feed with this crap !
The main reason I chose to write about this is because the new Rammstein video for their new single called Pussy. Rammstein always had these really cool mindfuck video's, psychological gymnastics were played in order to shock the viewer and create the "crippled dog effect" ( you all know the feeling when you see a disgusting crippled animal and you just cant get your eyes of it because of the sick human curiosity ) The new "Pussy" music video was launched on a porn site because it is really really nasty way nastier than the stuff Rammstein used us with and its a wake up call, it warns us that we are not far from becoming sex obsessed inbreed swines and it's a shocking way to make a point. I'm pretty sure the single will sell just because its porn more or less and I seriously doubt that the majority will get the message ... anyway here is the clip and don't you dare to click play if you are under 18


I should talk my boss into hiring a hooker and offer her services along with our products, our sales should go sky high.

Cheers !!!

Stuff I like even if I have to sweat like a donkey

So to make things clear I wont write stuff about my hyper active and extraordinary sex life instead I will share my hiking experience.
Last Sunday my girlfriend's phone rang even she answered quickly and talked quietly it still woke me up, after she finished talking she got a grin on her face and I immediately asked if she's horny, she suddenly lost her grin and told me that her best friend asked if we would like to take them on the Cock's Ridge ... hey !!! nothing sexual right ?
After a quick breakfast and a quick check on the weather forecast we were on our way, we met our friend's and we divided quickly dudes hang out with dudes and the girls should walk together. Before we attacked the mountain we skipped the stretching instead we had each a glass with palinca ( about 60% )just so to make sure we have enough subjects to discuss until we reach the top and of course be prepared if we get snake bites.
After a week in a crazy city were everybody chases after something a hike in the woods is more relaxing than a massage made by Lucy Liu, and after the palinca glass I had serious thoughts of moving in the woods and live with the bears but my girlfriend made sure I forget about this and reminded that I have to focus on important things like an apartment/house, car and just for a combo she mentioned something about marriage.
Since me and my girl were the only ones in our group who were before on the ridge everybody asked if the road is hard of course its not hard its like a walk in the park just a little bit longer, I kept the raising the crew's morale and when we reached the last and most difficult part and they started to lose their breath I took the lead and escaped from the platoon like Lance Armstrong in Tour de France, the ascent in that particular part is hard but nothing for a stud like me. As I reached the top I felt like I accomplished something, at the beginning I was a bit confused and felt like an asshole for leaving my friends behind but after a quick chat with the little red guy on my shoulder we agreed that I'm a winner and I should feel proud. So it was a great day and looking forward for the next Sunday hike at the Horses Waterfall near Borsa.
Here are a few pics ... enjoy:






Beat this Bear Grylls !

I make things look better

I should play in some TV commercials, companies would have huge sales after people see me advertising stuff. Besides that I'm aware I am a sex symbol and outrageously cool I realized objects tend to get a special glow in my presence, only applies to objects that I like.
For instance the company which I work for has 3 Dacia Logan with the same color same engine and a few other better cars and still the car I'm driving looks way better than the other cars, it almost competes with the Lexus owned by my boss ( but keep this a secret he'd might want to trade cars ). So I don't know if I look at my company car in a different manner but fact is that some of my coworkers would change their company car with mine or they might even try and steal it from me. It's true I keep it clean and take care of it and I only expect it to look cleaner than the other 2 identical cars but it's more like a Dacia Logan goddess than a clean Dacia Logan. This extraordinary gift that I have gets me a lot of enemies because from 2 identical objects I always get the better looking one, not to mention that some people think I'm a douche for having superior gear. All the kids in the neighborhood had Super Nintendo's mine was an epic console and it even had a name. If you appreciate the stuff that you own and take extra special care of them they mess with your brain they posses you somehow and transform you in a carebear.

Over and out
Signed: The better looking carebear

This is it !!!

So this is it !!! a new Michael Jackson movie is coming out next month, it will be in theaters for only 2 weeks and this is it !!!
As a child I was a huge MJ fan I never understood what he's singing about but I liked his moves and I always knew that little Diana will become a Dirty Diana as a grown up. I remember the day that my father brought home a nice white VHS cassette with "teh Michael Jackson movie" so my mother cooked like mad for 1 week, we handed out invitations in our neighborhood, people thought I'm getting married with 6 ... but no !!! they were invited to watch Michael Jackson's Moonwalk. Seen the movie learned the moves and became the superstar, it was my favorite movie until the Tommy Lee vs Pamela Anderson movie ... and from that moment on I became the genre fan and even learned some moves.
I'm looking forward to download an illegal copy of this movie and watch it for free while sitting comfortable in my bed, I'll never pay for such a movie meant to generate shit loads of money for some cash hungry wankers. Don't want to be an asshole but I bet one of my balls that this movie its going to be a piece of crap, and if Michael was alive he wouldn't agree to star in such a production probably made by the people who blamed him of being a pedophile/drug addict/ fag and other stuff.

Looks like a documentary of some sort and if they want a documentary based on Michael Jackson they should talk to Michael Moore.
Michael Moore would convince us that MJ faked his death to move on the ranch in Texas with G.W. Bush and 2Pac.

Back to school

After a 3 month holiday period the children and teenagers go back to school which actually is so good because the game servers will be so nice and empty without the wild kids around so ... less lag = more fun. The really really bad part in this "Back to school" story is that the kids get driven to school by their moms or grandparents and we all know that most women and grandparents drive their SUV's like shit ! The morning rush hour mutated into the morning chaos and a 10 minute drive from home to the office became a 25 minute drive which means I was 15 minutes late for work but still managed to be among the first persons in the office.
I mean I understand that people care about their children and stuff but if the traffic light shows green it means you should drive not look for 10 seconds if somebody will jump the red light on some other street in the junction. If I will win the lottery or if I'll become rich with this blog I'll get myself a mean offroad vehicle which will be fitted with 1 meter long titanium with carbide tip spikes and instead of going to work for my girlfriend's uncle I will patrol the streets 8 hours each day and crash into other drivers which:
- cut corners
- change lanes without looking behind
- get in my way
- drive a hybrid
- wear a mustache
- have the "Baby on board" sticker on the rear window
I will change my name into Mad Max and wear a Superman costume while driving the offroad monster.

Have an awesome new school year kids !!! and please walk to school because its healthy, not to mention you have plenty of time to drink your coffee and smoke your cigarette with your classmates.

Blogger saga starts

Well here starts my blogging adventure !

Why did I chose to open a new blog ? To be honest with you I chose to get in the blogging scene because its cool to work on your own blog, it pays well, I will get a better social status , groupies, forgot the password to my previous account , and last but not least I want to meet the father of teh internets .... actually these could be good reasons to become a blogger but the truth is that I'm sick of the small notebook with hearth shaped lock which is intentionally "forgotten" on my desk in hope that somebody will read the junk I wrote in and ye old notebook cant play video's. Why English ? It would be a shame if the rest of the galaxy won't be able to read my journalistic masterpieces !
This oxymoron blog is a mix between top secret personal stuff which I would like to share with the rest of the few curious and bored readers.


Over and out