Tuesday, September 03, 2013

Personal development, trends and bitterness

Chance has it that I use to hang around people with passions, some like skiing, others like reading, I'm into bikes for a couple of years now, met a dude into HiFi (never knew such godly things even exist). All nice and quite inspiring when a bunch of dudes talk about their hobbies with such a passion, must admit that sometimes I don't understand what others are talking about but its a good thing that such diversity exists and its a relaxing feeling knowing that there is life and joy after work.
Great right ? There's a twist to this story, my luck makes it that I know people obsessed with personal development, trainings (how to become a better person type of bollocks), forced happiness, over the top ethics and politeness, all business everything, talking fancy, abusing modern words or business terminology (leadership, proactive, entrepreneurship). These people will be the death of me, endless ranting about jack shit while browsing facebook or some hipster sites for lists with absurd stuff, 10 steps to lose weight and get fit ( too complicated, losing weight and getting fit is a one step move, you only need to move, move enough to kill the doughy fuck from the mirror), 30 steps to become happier (shit ! come on ?), become a better employee in just 10 steps (nice try corporations ! yeah pretty much you need to sell your soul). So I sit there trying to figure out what did I do wrong in my life ? after hours of being silent I try to say something, I need to impress, say something and clever too. So I talk thinking they are paying some attention when one of them says "yeah ! check this out there is a start up business workshop next week on the other side of the universe" ... OK what the actual fuck ? I was talking, telling an interesting and relevant story and you interrupted me like a dick that you are. I stop talking, just to hear "you know, this would be so great for you Andi, I signed you up !", great another start up workshop you fucking cock !
Almost all of these guides send you for a run, take long walks, smile more often, work out (physical activity releases feel good chemicals in the body ... bla bla bla) just how much of an selfish ass do you have to be to set up such lists ? How can disabled persons become better employees if they can't actually go for long walks or jog, the list wont be complete so no employee of the month ! I actually thought that this personal development thing actually works but was too lazy to bother, I look at my peers involved in this "movement" they eat the same shit they ate a few years ago, no development whatsoever and I noticed in some of them the behavior of spoiled kids if things don't come their way. Another aspect which grinds my gears is the invitations I get and have to deny for various protest and events they organize. Nope I wont attend your lousy tango evening for I get next to no joy in hanging out with 2 dudes and 1 chick dancing tango (start up tango), neither will I attend some protest against something I don't know anything about, no way I sign in into a hub, no I won't sign any of your Avaaz petitions for a cause that is trendy to support and definitely won't write and E-mail to Banksy/Putin/Pope/Obama/Bono/Dalai Lama.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

I have a dream ... again

Oh gosh December already ! Time flies the asshole never dies, right ? I'm dazzled by the effects of a few good ideas. For a change I had a stroke of genius while riding my bike this summer it was so deep, never thought it will stick for so long. Riding a bike CAN be fun, yep "can" in upper case, without letting my mind fly, riding is just a physical act, the next door neighbor of hard labor (rhyme ? wth is wrong with me ? ). Set your mind free, work on your ideas, breed ideas, take everything to a whole new level, keep your mind busy exploit your imagination ... as you'll ignore hill after hill to the top of the mountain and your body performs like its not a big deal, you might also draw some interesting conclusions about your personality and enjoy the satisfaction of doing something you never believed you are able. So yes riding the bike my wife bought me for my birthday is the catalyst of the new me. It began gradually, was reflecting on insignificant stuff, how to get back on X for doing that to me, are you talking to me fuckhead type of shit, sometimes its fun to reflect on vengeful, violent stuff ... easy stuff like a Woody Allen movie, you watch them but they don't stick.
A couple of months into this, my sister in law shipped my ass to the other side of the country to attend a workshop on entrepreneurship, apparently a fancy exclusive thing, were people rediscover themselves, they even had a chart with the process ... I'm not having any of it. The others were ecstatic, all business all that talk, business plans after business plans, tasks, challenges. Anyway it lasted 9 days in which I learned/confirmed 3 things: gambling and chance games are bullshit unless I'm the one who runs them (main reason I don't gamble);a win-win proposition works in business;get my cock out more often and jam it in the mouths of the ones trying to convince me otherwise, being stubborn is a gift !
While driving back home I was disgusted, people actually believe in this things, believe that a pattern suits everybody, one size fits all madness. What I find confusing is that I managed to "win" the workshop, without any effort at all, it had a backbone challenge, which consisted into setting up a business (real money, real stuff) in 9 days in a foreign city and get real money out of it ... my scheme won, made quite a profit and bested the others (20 or so). Don't need this shit, I've got my own thing, my own process.
I knew that I have to start something on my own, but something which gives me joy, only had to take my bike for a ride. A headache in technicolor was born, I'm a hands on guy with the desire to master one or more practical skills. The ideas took shape into something beautiful and the joy of seeking more and more complex information is absolutely fantastic. My 1st project under my own soon to be registered brand will be ready in a couple on months. Even dwarfs started small and I'm growing, again a man with a dream and it feels pretty damn good.
So winter is here and my skies arrive next week, 40 cm of nice compacted snow on the slopes, oh yeah looking forward to it. Did I change the subject to soon, well I wont reveal my master plan, it wont fit.

And now one of the most kick ass movies I've seen for a while now:

Enjoy !

One more thing, Hong Kong Phooey here somehow has a problem with me, and tried to kill my account related to this blog, hard to trace ?

Not sure if via proxy or not but soon.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

There's a gate to hell behind every car wash !

Do you know that weird feeling when you have to leave for a dentist appointment, or have to call somebody you don't really know or like, anxious, unsettled, heart is racing, it pretty much sucks from my point of view because on top of these two I also get it each time I'm heading for a car wash. I like my car clean but if its filthy its fine either way, I'll find an excuse not to wash it, no worries ! My wife she's the one which obliges me to have it properly washed at a car wash, if I ignore her she starts blackmailing me, the 1st stages involve total abstinence from ironing my clothes, but I can manage, she'll stop cooking eventually but my parents, grand parents and in laws live in a 2 km radius from our place so I can successfully manage this as well real problems appear when she stops flushing refuses any form of physical contact and sooner or later I have to give way. "promise I'll take it to the cars wash just stop it !" usually happens in a moment of weakness while in bed ... Next morning I wake up with the sun, usually 4 am I can't sleep anyway, get breakfast, shower, sort out the mess in the house, vacuum clean, dust off the furniture, do my exercises, catch up with some work and its already quarter past 4 the car wash opens at 10 still time for some league of legends and perhaps some TV series (downloaded of course). Finally I arrive at the car wash, park my car in one of the stalls (its a manual car wash, without brushes and stuff) and a dude wearing yellow rubber boots and rubber overall comes over(he looks special, like Adam Sandler in Little Nicky) in a deep and slowly spoken voice, big lips and not many teeth left asks me "heeeeey duuuuude ! what do you want ?" (oh fuck my life what do I want ? world peace, tea with butter crumpets, somebody to love me and I'd fancy to win the lottery ... but how can I tell him that, the next moment his father would pop up with a draft for a "sell your soul to the devil contract") "aaaa I aaa want a wash and interior cleaning sir, thank you, would you like my wallet as well ?" JESUS ! So i'm sitting there while he applies lotions, sprays stuff, lets the stuff get in, then washes it away, sprays foam, takes a brake, applies wax, washes the wax off, eventually he's done. Looks to the right, to the left, under the car, in the yard, looks me in the eyes and makes a sign for me to approach him (oh shoot ! he doesn't like my car I'm screwed ). Went over to him and he asked for my key " me drive I can" (in retard voice), gave him the keys and he pulled the car in another stall for the interior cleaning, about 5 of his colleagues stormed the place 1 tall guy, 2 ridiculously small girls and 2 fat ones, armed with rugs, paper towels, spray cans ... 1st thing they turned my stereo to a full volume on some shitty station. They started working, spitting on the windshield for extra polish, vacuuming, washing the carpets, going through my glove compartment, draining gas, the car was shaking like a samba dancer on acid. Eventually I went in to the cashiers office to pay, behind the thick cloud of smoke sat a blonde bimbo in some pink dress and while chewing on some gum with her mouth open she asked me "what do you have boy ?" told her that I got my car washed and want to pay, gave me some sort of ticket to give it to the workers as proof that I paid and I was free to go. I drove off with shivers down my spine, I'm done with it for at least a few months. Seen a miracle on the news yesterday 1st rain in some poor African country since 1901, guess what those clouds knew I had my car washed they flew over and the next morning my car was full of fallen and wet leaves, dusty and the friendly neighborhood pigeon shat on it to claim his territory. What a sad man I am ! washed my car at hells gates and stole the rain from Africa. I bow before you !

Thursday, July 19, 2012


Been traveling quite a lot in the past few weeks, also had enough time to reflect on some issues and came to a frightening conclusion. I'm somehow lost, not really convinced that what I'm doing is the best thing for me, the people I look up to seem to be a group of selfish characters, its hard for me to entrust them with my future. Its expected from me to run (as an owner) and reform the company I'm currently employed, increase, multiply optimize all sorts of fancy corporate terminology which I hate with all my living soul and my guts get weird rashes while listening to such business babbling. Had a 10 days entrepreneurial workshop (fancy elitist, rediscovering hot water type of nonsense) meant to motivate and increase the business spirit urge ... went through it like a boss no stress at all, I was supposed to identify my weaknesses, what I had to improve, prove to myself that I had the nuts to approach strangers on the street and try to sell them stuff. Frankly I knew long before that I had to work on some things, mostly not being such a lazy prick, lose certain ethics and grab any chance but I also knew I had it in me to approach strangers and sell them things and I can do that easily with great success by profiting from the right social environment and the right type of dudes (I hunt alpha male macho type of douchebags ... weak cunts for me to profit from). This waste of 10 days wasn't necessary to rediscover myself and this is whats really unsettling, people which I let guide me through business value this and somehow they believe that I have to rediscover myself get to know myself better, I already know me well enough to tell you right away that I'm not hyped by the type of business I'm in and thinking seriously on my alternatives. For the moment I'm lost and scared, not sure where to start, not sure what to do, keep going even if I'm not entirely happy with this and eventually dump everything as soon as I figure out something better. I'll be back with a more positive swing sooner or later. Ever wondered how you make one of these ?

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Pirate blood !

Nowadays the entertainment industry faces 1 common enemy, 1 enemy, responsible for trillions of gazillions worth of losses as they claim. What do they do against these virtual corsairs ? try to fight them, brand the responsible people as outlaws of the world wide web and the chase is on. In this realm money solves everything, there are no such things like "political power" "influence" its just money and people around it. As a short side story, I don't like my office colleague, I would very much like him hanged by his tongue, if I'd had enough money I could work something out pay off some fixers, frame him with public bestiality and perhaps pedophilia and he could enjoy a life in tar and feathers. Back to our hens, this sort of practices are exactly what the wealthy corporations are doing in order to fight my beloved pirates, take Mr. Assange arrested on the basis of some rape charges, the mighty Dotcom got locked down after being raided by the entire effective of New Zealand's police (the guy hosted space on the internet, that's all he did) and the examples are countless ... the big boys feel uncomfortable when somebody plays with their toys and would spend ridiculous amounts of money in order to control the yard. It went so far and deep enough that important people involved in various governments were pushed (paid ?) to adopt new laws (sopa, pipa, acta) which would protect certain low-down interests of the entertainment industry. Musicians, actors, artists are against these methods yet somehow something convinces them to sign and resign contracts with the very same corporations which claim to lose so much money due to piracy, and still ... platinum records are awarded, record sales are registered each year, how is this ? from an industry which claims to lose so much money ? its all about CONTROL and GREED. I'm a pirate always been (starting with the legendary napster went trough kazaa, imesh, emule, peer to peer, torrents, jailbreak for my mac devices, you name it) and always will be, like real pirates I do have ethics and I'm pretty sure most of my pirate mates would agree, after downloading an album/game/movie/book/program, rate it as being absolutely fantastic in most cases I would get the original thing mostly because I consider it a good which is worth my money and to support the artist. Right now I can say that I'm sailing in the PirateBay ship, love the people behind it, love that community and love the fact that this small puppy grew up as a 3 headed bruised and war scarred hydra, strong enough to withstand any pathetic attempt to shut it down. Maybe this is what they were trying to prevent, by the principle of "kill all the babies, none shall take my throne" they fought small and weak entities and now it seems to get out of hand for the great ship is planning to sail and host in the outer space. Ok, always wanted to approach this subject and well this is my opinion and my opinion is sacred in this place of my supreme dictatorship (the Dictator movie is crap, he ends up softening up and marrying the boygirl). Now boys and girls these guys are not even the worst out there, stay away from the alcohol and tobacco wise guys and don't you dare to invent some engine which runs on smiles ... oil people are strong.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Ye old fuckhead !

Imagine the life of a normal family in the middle ages, blind love for the maker or get burned on the stake, no card tricks or get burned on the same stake for witchcraft, no anal, oral or naked sex or you'll burn in hell, children playing with fallen limbs of the plague victims, mothers cooking disgusting stews with bat eyes, lamb guts, worn leather boots and dirt, fathers building castles for the king get paid with a monthly public whipping. Times were hard, people were hungry, sick with diarrhea from drinking mud water, cold, the everlasting tooth ache kept them in a persistent gloomy swing. A normal family in our days, TV, video games, a patch of green lawn, a consistent dose of ignorance regarding belief and environment, fast food, kids smoking weed, mothers hiding an obvious alcohol problem or fucking the neighbor, fathers balancing cans of beer on their fat stomachs while eating chips and watching the game. Good times plenty of food without to much effort, medical care, protective layers of fat, the only predators around are diabetes, heart attacks and our own weight. Yeah we made it to the top of the food chain ! These are the normal families back then and now ... lets talk about the wealthy or royal families. Back then the wealthy or the royal were quite the shit, orgies, arsenic, feasts, gout, corruption, political games, mistresses, bastard children, incest, portraits on white horses, forced marriages ... the very definition of the nobility. Today's nobility is all about appearance, etiquette, class, style, expensive rare food, fancy gymnastics, unique vehicles, entourage, family pride, private learjets, extravagant activities like hunting and here is were I'm going to stop and unleash my furry. Hunting is absolutely ok with me if its done for food like the family in the middle ages would do it with bow and arrow or spear, track your prey become a proper hunter kill a squirrel or a deer, put it in the pot, eat it, survive ! The same story with fishing, its acceptable to use a rod and a hook, eat the fish if you must or release it, but don't use fucking nets or explosives ... its just unfair. A few weeks ago I've seen the king of Spain, Juan fuckhead Carlos a 74 years old geezer got injured while hunting in Africa. The old fart busted his arthritis rotten hip, triple fracture combo, guess what ? he was hunting elephants. Hunting elephants ? how much of a sick inbred senile royal shit faced old fuck you have to be to take pleasure in killing such majestic and beautiful endangered creatures just for fun. Go online ! play some counterstrike from your royal office through your royal broadband, complain like a bitch about lag and wall hax after getting headshot, scratch your eyeballs out and die of rage motherfucker ! He was lucky, too bad an elephant didn't stomp his face in. Stick to your fucking bulls, GROW and kill as many you like, have them chase you through the streets and then kill them nobody cares. I'm not some vegan messiah but where is the fun of putting a bullet in an unaware animal from a safe distance, farm animals are meant to be slaughtered for food, I gladly eat my beef, chicken and pork. This Spanish chap is just one of the many examples of doughy idiots who consider themselves men for shooting down a stupid animal with some handcrafted expensive riffle. I wish I could be so rich and powerful and arrange the biggest safari hunting event in the known universe, have the hot shot wealthy hunters invited, drive them in the fucking savanna, leave them surrounded by hungry wild beast, without bullets and just to make sure nobody manages to escape have a tactical squad hunt them and trap the way out. /bow

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Fail proof future

Dreams, old dreams, childhood dreams might not work the way they were imagined far away in the past for today's grownup. Had, still have plenty of them (next in line my bucket list for the next 10 years, rubbish I'd like to sort out) but how many of them still stand, am I still happy with most of them ? I don't think so, something needs to be done ... imagine me entering my field of dreams as a deranged half communist jerk with a sickle in the hand chopping down anything which doesn't fit my thoroughly tuned selective program. Blood guts and gore, the rusty sickle chops tirelessly, I'm not falling again for one of my old dreams, if I'm not fully happy with the end result it gets chopped the fuck out (or canceled), just imagine ending up owning this stupid object:

actually it doesn't sound that bad, still it has a great potential for being a stupid thing, after all I've got this in my head ever since my kindergarten attendance. Turned out that my brave and old dream of moving out in a far away country without any legal forms, as a tourist who decided to stay wasn't so neato as I thought it would be. Perhaps my expectations were to high, perhaps I wasn't expecting to see beggars, hobos, junky deadbeat couples, frightening neighborhoods maybe these things make it the wild vest. As time passed things added up, something inside me was screaming and definitely I couldn't be bothered into investing time into it nor make any sort of plans, got so disappointed with the entire story I locked myself into some sort of protective force field (maybe I was feed up for being told that I've got to much spare time for reading/watching/listening random stuff I'm interested in, at some point I didn't even bother yap yap background noise) just waited for the time to pass, get on the plane and fly the fuck away from that place. My dear and much beloved cousins who were so happy for having me there couldn't understand whats the deal with my permanently long face and I couldn't explain it either, they were quite disappointed with me. What looked like an awesome thing to do as a student doesn't sound good at all right now and I wouldn't fancy working as a fucking earth shaman on the other side of the planet. Anyway I enjoyed my visit there as a tourist, seen some really nice places, had some nice food and enough delicious fast food which should suffice for the next 5 years. Based on this experience amongst many other things I learned that an "action plan" update is needed once in a while. So after 10 pounds lost or as I prefer it 5 kilograms our departure date has come and somehow after the 1st 2 hour flight towards our destination I felt awesome again, I could feel my nice aura of badassery handsomeness growing back, while taking a majestic dookie in the airport restroom I was listening to the awesome announcements they were broadcasting:
"Mr. Catslinger you're expected for boarding on gate whatever"
"Ms. O'Balls wank meeting in the conference hall"
who is called Catslinger or better yet who the fuck understands those announcements ?
Home and dry as they say, lets check Mr. Marley's new song out this time featuring the mop head known as Skrillex:

Genug mit dem rum ficken, ich gehe schlafen !

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Status symbols

Status symbols, things meant to keep apparences of wealth, prosperity and succes in general, we all want to be successful and be our own boss. How I see these things ... well this is how:
Big suv for driving around the city - small cock, lousy sex life, needs a stool to reach the door knob
Obvious brand clothes - absolute lack of good taste just a slave to the brand, no character
Fancy pets - stupid owners which probably don't know nothing about them, pet ends up running the show
Go to a classical music concert for mondaine reasons - idiots without taste in music
Play loud music from a car - no friends (they like to hear you when you talk)
Over dressed and heavy makeup wearing women - poor souls seeking a better life
Excessive talk about books - never read more than the gossip page in the Sunday news paper, but seen the movie
Jewelry worn in excess - worthless piece of meat craves for a sense of value
Meatheads - as scary as a balloon
Fine arts connoisseur type - owns a copy of the Mona Lisa
Vine eccentrics ( not sommeliers, they are awesome) - serve them piss in some fancy bottle they won't know the difference
Brag about charity - imbeciles
iThings - never had great toys as a child
Talk loudly - nothing to say
Fancy job title - loser, if you want to impress me tell me you're a doctor, astronaut, scaffolder, mafia hitman or whatever ... floor manager sounds a lot like an overrated janitor
Send the kids to the school of arts - fail as a parent, let your kids discover it
Mediterranean style house - complains about the gas bills in the winter
Really expensive watches - can those control time ?
Get seen in the hotspots - no self respect, I wouldn't have an over prized coffee on the side of the road
Trophy friends - people might think I'm smart/cool if I hang with X
Trophy wives - your days are numbered

I love to ask these people for favors, they are to proud to say no, even if its a huge effort.

This is how I feel !

Bazinga !

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The awkward moment when ...

... I sweep the snow off my car and a turbo hyped bitch asks:
Cunt - where do you live ?
Great guy - excuse me ! are you talking to me ?
Cunt - Yes ! I'm talking to you ! where do you live ?
Great guy - why are you questioning me ? who are you ?
Cunt - you park your car here and I've seen you entering the block across the street !
Great Guy - Usually I can't be bothered answering to fucktards like you but today I will make an exception, this parking lot is a public space, free off charge for everybody to park here, not yours not mine ... get here before I do and you can park here without me yelling at your sorry yellow hair covered face.
Cunt - we live here !
Great guy - ok ! look this is stupid I will just ignore you !
Later as she took her car for a drive I was just in time to occupy the only available lot, the one she left, something tells me she cried tears of blood.
Last morning, again I was sweeping my car before work, a wanker pulled next to me lowered his window and spoke:
Wanker - Are you aware that we live here for a while now and during the night something might happen to your car ?
Pissed Off Guy - Oh really ? why is that ?
Wanker - because bla bla bla park your car here bullshit more crap bla bla bla
Pissed Off Guy - Look dude its a public space yap yap yap
Wanker - don't tell me politics and common sense I'm not interested in this !
Pissed Off Guy - Oh yeah motherfucker ? get out bitch ! I swear I'll punch your face in, you like it wild and rough ? I can do that !
With his wife and 2 kids yelling in the background he got out, I told myself I will choke hold him if he tries to get physical ... well a fucking bad tempered tall midget got out of the car, approached him really threatening (getting really close, violating private space type of shit) asked him what is he going to do ... I had to back up for my cock was poking him in the face. The guy started shaking and babbling, its disturbing to see a father and a husband shitting himself in front of his family. Left him there and resumed to cleaning off the snow.
Not enjoying these kind of things at all but I was never bullied by nobody, if he is stronger just go mental ! bite, throw stones, grab his throat just don't sit there like a bag of bones ! Fortunately it wasn't the case here but I wont park my car elsewhere, fuck all !
Can't understand how do these people think, how much of a dumbass can one be to act like this ? They can't handle their pathetic lives but act tough guy and set rules on public domains !
Good thing we're about to move away, it might keep me from doing something stupid, because I'm really pissed about this shit !

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Buckets !

When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemon juice in everybody's eyes ! most likely that's an unpleasant thing, it is how it is, I often find myself letting my anger out on my dear ones. Ok these are lemons and they make us sour.
How about sweet and juicy oranges sold in buckets for a ridiculous price (less than 5$ for 7 kg) at a local supermarket ?
Just like these:

The following happens: people go ape shit borderline insano deep-trance hardcore mentally bonkers ! ORANGES fucking ORANGES IN A BUCKET, use elbows, push, squeeze and start verbal fights without loosing sight on the oranges, eyes on the prize motherfuckers ! The rule is that you can fill a bucket with oranges but they have to stay in, I've seen the pyramids, I've seen some nasty and desperate shit until now but I was never confronted with a pyramid of oranges reaching out of some cheap bucket. The cashiers deserve a prize for keeping calm, each time the conveyor belt moved oranges were dropping hard, those greedy fucks couldn't keep them all and the agony of loosing 3 oranges was priceless. Like I said before I've seen some desperate shit so far, I've seen a toddler girl stealing a bag of cheesy puffs from one of her mates, she went with it in a corner and while the other kids and parents tried to take the bag away she shoved in as many as possible ... just like a hyena, but instead of blood, her face was covered in a mix of snot saliva and cheesy puff crumbs ... had a wild sparkle of joy in her eyes. Just before Christmas I've seen a geezer eating a kiwi in the grossest way possible, while waiting for his dame to do the groceries, he grabbed a kiwi squashed it with his hands the juice was pouring down his hands on his jacket and was was munching on it like a fucking savage ... never paid for it. Still these two events were nothing compared to the "oranges in a bucket" incident, fuck my life that behavior is the proof that there still is a savage part behind all the civilized thing. What are the effects of eating a shitload of oranges ? besides long shifts for the guys down at the sewage treatment plant, will everybody's skin turn orange and look like the mongs from Jersey Shore ? I could make a joke about a guy named Karl Pilkington and laugh how his head looks like a fucking orange but Karl is to majestic I would say godly in comparison with those apes. A cheeky cunt in her twenties tried to sneak out some other stuff hidden between the oranges (hiding something in a transparent bucked is like hiding behind a wire mesh fence), security took her away for a quick anal gang rape.
Burn them with fire !

Monday, January 09, 2012

Verdict 2011

Each year begins with great expectations, planing ahead, looking forward for whatever, corporations set targets, the advertising industry uses the same tricks (make a huge fuss, announce the latest and best products ... release them before Easter or summer holidays, use the same strategy in summer release before Christmas) same story over and over again. 2011 was a busy year for me, great year for some reasons crappy year for other reasons.
Ladies and gentlemen I present you my 2011 my expectations and accomplishments:
1st the most important things and my impressions:
- my birthday: I'm a moderately spoiled thing and my birthday represents a major event each year, you know looking forward to receive nice presents ... major disappointment this year.
- our wedding in June: to hot, to much of a headache, glad its over.
- our honeymoon: both of us agreed that a proper vacation is to be taken every year, proper shagging twice a day, no cooking, no laundry, no hassle, visit new places be different for two weeks (thinking about making this our family motto)
- my mother had surgery: fuck everything, she needs the best doctors doesn't matter what it takes, definitely worth the effort she made a quick recovery and she is well now.
- Us embassy and visa: one of my dreams came true just in time not to turn into one of my biggest frustration, yes ! we are able to relocate to the US ... I've heard something which sounds somehow like "each achievement creates more problems" but that is still to be found out.
2nd my impressions and comments on the 2011 movies I've seen so far:
- X-Men: First Class: mneh improvement for marvel
- Thor: does my hair look alright ?
- Super 8: felt asleep
- Limitless: drugs yummy
- Rango: good one
- Sucker Punch: wank material but still crap
- Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: disappointment
- The Way Back: was tired, it kept me awake loved it
- Adjustment Bureau: my doorknob wont turn the other way !
- Red State: yeeeeha for possum stew
- Paul: brits they are funny
- Hanna: interesting, worth watching
- Water for Elephants: 1 thing ! the fang fag ruined the movie
- The Veteran: again british = good
- Hangover 2: gross and a dude looses his finger but its okay
- Bad Teacher: gave me a bonner
- Horrible Bosses: the only thing I can remember are Jennifer Anistons legs
- Friends With Benefits: they fucked didn't they ?
- Colombiana: don't bother
- Our Idiot Brother: liked it
- Warrior: the good brother wins
- Killer Elite: 2 wankers take over SAS
- Moneyball: cant understand baseball the movie is motivating
Were are the people like Kurosawa, Tarantino and the other awesome directors ?

3rd music releases and expectations:
High expectations, nothing worth writing about, the skrillex dude might make it legendary. Okay there was a lot going on in the music industry, some got back together some broke up, some released new albums and others changed their stage name but nothing important. Oh that chick genius od'd.

4th video games:
- Skyrim: arrow to the knee ... seriously this one made it the game of the year ?
- Portal 2: felt asleep while playing
- Diablo 3: wait a minute ! or a week or a few months till it gets released

5th events which will make in the history books:
- the fuss in Egypt: hope they wont blow off the pyramids
- Libya: America and Europe need oil, arm the rebels and kill the womanizer
- The Japanese shake down and nuclear disaster: I like the Japanese and there is no fun to be made in that direction.
- Royal wedding in the UK: who the FUCK cares ? mine was more important
- Osama bin Laden: took a bullet while sleeping ! legit bravery

6th (should be 2nd) I rediscovered the joy of cycling, the joy of owning nice bikes and cycle equipment, actually this is one of my plans for this year get proper bikes and equipment. The joy of listening to audio books, pod casts, comedy shows on a decent pair of headphones (more about this in another post), its just great to have a long hike/ride/walk and listen to something interesting.
Thats about it ! Not worth mentioning overrated things like the iPhone 4S, the new BMW 1M or the most overrated of them all that Ken Block twat ... bitch please win a wrc series 1st, after that you can priggle around in your shitty boiler on wheels.
2012 is supposed to deliver the Armageddon, mayans ...
cheer up !

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Knobbing about

Ahhh lovely its that time of the year when families come together near the dead tree (which by the way stings like a motherfucker), sing carols, everybody talks at the same time and all of the sudden this eggnog driven cheerful family decides to unwrap the presents. How pretty is everything wrapped, how neat are Santa's elves (why did my auto correct change Santa into Satan ?). We start unwrapping, a drunk voice shouts from the other side of the room "just rip the damn wrapping paper, you can't use it again anyway, you stingy worm !", my wife insists to buy nice presents for everybody, by nice I mean expensive, I don't mind buying something nice if I know I will get something equally nice in exchange but usually its not the case. She made a lot of fuss about the presents this year, we bought nice things together and I bought some nice things for her ... guess what I ended up with a fucking shaver, the classic oversize pajama and some sort of sock I can wear on my head. Its not fair after all the hassle, sitting in traffic, queuing, cleaning and generally being a nice lad for Satan (it did it again, santanist tablet !) to end up with a sock I can wear on my head, for fucks sake ! Honestly I can't be bothered next year, a pair of socks a mug which says "Happy Hanukkah" and a cassette with carols, they better pretend they love my gift !
On the 2nd day of Christmas we visited some relatives and somehow they don't seem to understand that I don't like to drink, again I'll have a drink with people I like but not with them, because me being drunk is me making unpleasant comments and having a disorderly laugh by myself, friends would understand they wont.
Today being the last one of 2011 we prepare for the new years eve and we are going to this spa with some people my wife knows and I'm not really happy to mingle with. It will pass soon enough 00:00 happy new year bla bla yeeay (indifferent face) ... go home, done. Texting or sending out messages bothers me the most, people send me a lot of them, I'm never in the mood to do it and it pisses me off that by receiving text messages I feel obliged to answer in the same manner, cheerful words and rubbish like that. Whats wrong with people sending text messages ? if you want me to be happy send something over, invite us to your shindig, come over if you are a girl or send your girlfriend or wife to rub me one for the sake of that particular holiday, you know so I can see you meant it !
I had this week off work and plenty time to do what I want alone at home, amongst other things I got to read a book called "Earth (the book)", the guy who wrote it (Jon Stewart) was taking a piss at the by then extinct human race, aliens would read a guide we left behind which approached various topics like religion, society and stuff. Another thing I realized while having a walk is that dogs like to take a shit in clean and dry spots, the weather was miserable huge puddles everywhere and I was walking on the curb for being higher and cleaner except the curbs have piles of dog shit all over them.

Yeah well this is it for 2011, I don't know what to say lets hope things will turn out fine for everybody.

Willie Nelson - "Superman" from Luck Films on Vimeo.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Where the nut trees grow

How is it that the crème de la scum hangs out in the same places in every town/city ? Never seen a train station without homeless persons, beggars or freaks escaped from the circus. Have you ever seen a farmers market without those fashion failures (cowboy boots, tight dirty jeans, tucked in shirt exposing chest hair and the occasional rib, gold necklace with a $ medallion, rings on each finger, mullet and gold teeth) lurking around for a deal ? I would talk about cemeteries also but I'm quite sure no hobo or creepo would try to make a living around a cemetery in any other country because I'm certain no widow would bring cheese cake in the cemetery to feed the homeless, its true we don't have to many crazy cat ladies nor obsessed pigeon feeders but its customary to feed beggars and bums ... lets be honest now ! we are a dog loving nation, cats are pretty much extinct and the pigeons, well they are delicious. How can a generous soul make charity in these conditions ? feed cheesecake to the homeless !
Back to the hot spots, yes ! its understandable they try to make a living there because its crowded and everything but for fucks sake don't let them sleep in the waiting area, some are really well disguised as travellers (hauling around huge bags full of stuff) and how can you kick out a traveller waiting for his train ?
- I'm a traveller mother fuckers ! there's no showering and washing machines in travelling, I'm the original globetrotter ! homeless my ass ! please sir can you spare some change? the atm won't accept my american express black card !
Serious business with these globetrotters, they seem to miss each train and in addition they try to out stink each other, biohazard warfare, students tried to rebel against Gillette agreeing upon a no shave November ... tsss kids. This might be a part of how society works, place a bunch of actors in front of each train station and pay them to act "the aristocrats" joke:

Imagine seeing this in front of the train or bus station (its not far from the truth)? The other day I was talking with a fat friend of mine, he is also a movie maker known as Michael Moore about this idea of mine, this everything might be a corporatist idea in order to prevent the labour migration, disgust the adventurous worker form the moment he enters the public transportation station, don't provide decent restrooms the good old hole in the ground is enough if you miss it at least wear brown trousers (closed shoes are suggested), the transport means are kept running for the illusion of freedom but are uncomfortable and stink ... all this in order to prevent people from getting the wrong idea while visiting their parents.
The same story goes for the markets also, it can't be that nasty for its meant to sell food and such but the mullet dealer will harass any potential customer making the place uncomfortable and drive the sheep towards the corporatist super markets.
Markets, train stations are dusty smell bad, if you want to meet a nice lady you need to drive to the outskirts of your city at some dodgy parking lot for trucks that's not fun ! Why not live in a park in a pretty place like I do, I sell drugs in a night club, at least as a tosser there I get to wear perfume and my teeth have a sexy shine in the black light.
For a great lust packed drug and alcohol driven experience please check out one of my new favourite TV shows called simply but so elegant "Skins", make sure to avoid the US version just get the original UK one. After this nothing will seem out of line trust me.
So Christmas is about to happen again lets listen to something nice from my personal stash:

mneh ...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Everything goes !

Here is the thing, for a while now I'm fascinated with the behavior of people and how everybody pretends to be disgusted by subjects involving porn, cheating, drugs, personal kinks, fetishes, addiction and other stuff. I've been looking around, at faces, tried to figure out how persons act in order to hide their true nature, how they try to beat natural instincts with discipline, some act pretty well while others are ridiculous. To make this more clear, for instance I know a guy who pretends to be interested only in the serious things in life and pretends to be guided by morality without exceptions and apparently is not interested in gossip and cheap entertainment. It happened I had to send some E-mails form his computer (at his workplace) and while looking after the documents I had to attach to my E-mails, I was surprised to find a download folder full of porn and fucked up music (oriental rhythm, lyrics about money, cars, women, love, enemies, broken heart similar to trash rap, performed by gipsies), I was amazed ! I had to look deeper and went for his browsing history ... damn ! he used that pc for porn only, who would search for "alien porn" or "mail-order porn stars", do I need to mention the stack of celebrity magazines on his desk ? The opposite happens with persons who are identified as being involved in the wrong activity, how come that all gold diggers and known whores are interested in science and charity ? they need to balance out the rot with something noble. I'm pretty sure I wont find a quantum physics treaty on their pc either. However I don't blame nor judge anybody but it creeps me how well we conceal our true nature and how judgmental some are ... its pure guilt and the fear of being discovered triggers a violent response !
Nobody should go balls out and admit he's a glue and gossip addict, some restrain is mandatory but in a friends circle when all others talk about their experiences with substance or affairs should be okay to share and that is the best way to realize that nothing freakish is going on with you, other people are doing it too and its fine as long as it does not cause any harm or is abusive towards others ... in that case one went to far and probably need to be put down. For a few years now I'm reading a website called reddit.com, people publish funny pictures, openly talk about different subjects in a civilized and objective manner(most of the time), users publish "ask me anything" "I am a" "today I learned" topics and by the anonymity offered by the internet, questions and opinions are shared without to much judging (again most of the time, there are exceptions also). I've seen some interesting things going on there, from "IAMA Area 51 former employee AMA" or "AMA my grandmother was a secretary in the project Philadelphia, she will answer your questions" to "AMA I'm a guy who had sex with his sister" <----<< ok this went to far, I'm not judging him but its kinda sick.

I was stunned by the amount of serious questions and the guy answered as many as possible, pregnancy scares ? or have you ever been caught ? everything was asked and from the comments I could tell people were pretty cool about it, some pretended to have "a weird boner" ... the discussion went on and on until some guy pointed out that the story was actually a hoax. There is a need to be able to talk freely under the protection of anonymity this could actually help a lot of people and if the subject I mentioned before was tolerated, then where is the limit ? everything goes under anonymity ? it shouldn't be such a surprise then if you find out your parents are married just to be in line with the society and live a secret life.
Regarding reddit.com ... its an awesome tool if you want to get an idea about how people really are and this not in a bad way.

Good ! this being sorted ! lets listen to this:

Lyrics: wubwubwub nehnehweeh yoi yoi yoi whabwuhb

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Modern disease

Ever since our pitiful existence mankind fought against disease using various techniques. Primitive shaman cures with groovy hallucinogenic herbs, medieval procedures involving unwashed hands, big hammers and pliers, creepy Victorian surgery, forceps and God knows what else was used to cure various physical affections. With the invention of antibiotics people were pretty much saved and free to overpopulate the planet, the deadly diseases these days kill people on the long run and are not transmissible. In this pink world some twater decided to get mentally ill, others followed him with various sorts of loony odd conditions and here we are people have psychological issues. The doctors tried to figure this out and came up with a gruesome treatment which involved shoving a fucking long nail in your eye (called orbitoclast) in order to mess with your brain(prefrontal cortex more precisely)and eventually calm the fuck down any hyper mental ninja ... I proudly present you with the banned practice of lobotomy. As the mentals did not fear to get stabbed in the eye with a needle the procedure was replaced with medication and nowadays we have medication for everything and everybody can rest assure that his illness is under control. Adjustment disorder, borderline intellectual functioning, antisocial personality disorder, bibliomania (bookophile), conversion disorder, selective mutism (when you cant speak to women ?), exhibitionism, kleptomania (perfect excuse, right for persons who want a career in burglarism ), learning disorders (I had this one, I had it treated with a vigorous whack over my head from my dear mother), narcissistic personality disorder (people in love with themselves), megalomania, tourette's syndrome (fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck) ... you name it, it exists and somebody is getting treatment for it ! rad right ?
I'm not talking here about serious illnesses like autism or sad stuff like this but is this self induced imaginary things people like to suffer from, come on ! you can't just walk into a shop steal something, if you get busted you show a medical evidence for kleptomania and you are free to walk, this is muffed up ! common sense should tell you to stop. I'll tell whats the problem here, people are bored everything is so comfy these days, no wood to chop, no cattle to herd, no neighbors to fight over the water source, plenty of time to let your head mess with you. Yes ! this is why I like to keep myself busy so I wont have the time to think about my suitable disease. Tried my best not to be affected by these modern conditions but while keeping my mouth shut, my eyes closed, my ears plugged and my hands in my pockets something might have went up my buttox straight to my head and its messing with it. The whole moving over to the US gives me thoughts and a lot of what ifs come along ... I'm suffering from the comfort zone behavioral state which is linked to some anxiety condition fancy schmancy. Basically my melon is telling me that I should not take any risks because its pretty good right here and how comfy my life is, my answer to that is fuck it ! its a pathetic excuse to myself for not being awesome like Barney Stinson. I gave it some time and lectured some articles about this condition and it turned out this behavior is a genetic remain from our cavemen ancestors which had good reasons to fear foreign and unknown places, food, water and shelter were a major issue back then, our world right now is pretty safe, almost risk free if you mind your business. Others say that its dictated by an entity in the brain, well they must be bored or suffer from one of those sad conditions I'm not making fun of. My own and personal opinion about this "comfort zone" is that its related to a certain routine which works for me and therefore I feel good but not accomplished, I'm a pretty open person willing to try new stuff, improve myself within my capabilities, profit from opportunities ... almost everything is worth trying, we're here for this long after all.
Alright ! from cheesy to badass industrial with my mates from Rammstein !

Rammstein - Mein Land from Rammstein on Vimeo.

guess they are trying a comeback after the cock-up with the "Liebe ist fur alle da" album.