Status symbols

Status symbols, things meant to keep apparences of wealth, prosperity and succes in general, we all want to be successful and be our own boss. How I see these things ... well this is how:
Big suv for driving around the city - small cock, lousy sex life, needs a stool to reach the door knob
Obvious brand clothes - absolute lack of good taste just a slave to the brand, no character
Fancy pets - stupid owners which probably don't know nothing about them, pet ends up running the show
Go to a classical music concert for mondaine reasons - idiots without taste in music
Play loud music from a car - no friends (they like to hear you when you talk)
Over dressed and heavy makeup wearing women - poor souls seeking a better life
Excessive talk about books - never red more than the gossip page in the Sunday news paper, but seen the movie
Jewelry worn in excess - worthless piece of meat craves for a sense of value
Meatheads - as scary as a balloon
Fine arts connoisseur type - owns a copy of the Mona Lisa
Vine eccentrics ( not sommeliers, they are awesome) - serve them piss in some fancy bottle they won't know the difference
Brag about charity - imbeciles
iThings - never had great toys as a child
Talk loudly - nothing to say
Fancy job title - loser, if you want to impress me tell me you're a doctor, astronaut, scaffolder, mafia hitman or whatever ... floor manager sounds a lot like an overrated janitor
Send the kids to the school of arts - fail as a parent, let your kids discover it
Mediterranean style house - complains about the gas bills in the winter
Really expensive watches - can those control time ?
Get seen in the hotspots - no self respect, I wouldn't have an over prized coffee on the side of the road
Trophy friends - people might think I'm smart/cool if I hang with X
Trophy wives - your days are numbered

I love to ask these people for favors, they are to proud to say no, even if its a huge effort.

This is how I feel !

Bazinga !

The awkward moment when ...

... I sweep the snow off my car and a turbo hyped bitch asks:
Cunt - where do you live ?
Great guy - excuse me ! are you talking to me ?
Cunt - Yes ! I'm talking to you ! where do you live ?
Great guy - why are you questioning me ? who are you ?
Cunt - you park your car here and I've seen you entering the block across the street !
Great Guy - Usually I can't be bothered answering to fucktards like you but today I will make an exception, this parking lot is a public space, free off charge for everybody to park here, not yours not mine ... get here before I do and you can park here without me yelling at your sorry yellow hair covered face.
Cunt - we live here !
Great guy - ok ! look this is stupid I will just ignore you !
Later as she took her car for a drive I was just in time to occupy the only available lot, the one she left, something tells me she cried tears of blood.
Last morning, again I was sweeping my car before work, a wanker pulled next to me lowered his window and spoke:
Wanker - Are you aware that we live here for a while now and during the night something might happen to your car ?
Pissed Off Guy - Oh really ? why is that ?
Wanker - because bla bla bla park your car here bullshit more crap bla bla bla
Pissed Off Guy - Look dude its a public space yap yap yap
Wanker - don't tell me politics and common sense I'm not interested in this !
Pissed Off Guy - Oh yeah motherfucker ? get out bitch ! I swear I'll punch your face in, you like it wild and rough ? I can do that !
With his wife and 2 kids yelling in the background he got out, I told myself I will choke hold him if he tries to get physical ... well a fucking bad tempered tall midget got out of the car, approached him really threatening (getting really close, violating private space type of shit) asked him what is he going to do ... I had to back up for my cock was poking him in the face. The guy started shaking and babbling, its disturbing to see a father and a husband shitting himself in front of his family. Left him there and resumed to cleaning off the snow.
Not enjoying these kind of things at all but I was never bullied by nobody, if he is stronger just go mental ! bite, throw stones, grab his throat just don't sit there like a bag of bones ! Fortunately it wasn't the case here but I wont park my car elsewhere, fuck all !
Can't understand how do these people think, how much of a dumbass can one be to act like this ? They can't handle their pathetic lives but act tough guy and set rules on public domains !
Good thing we're about to move away, it might keep me from doing something stupid, because I'm really pissed about this shit !

Buckets !

When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemon juice in everybody's eyes ! most likely that's an unpleasant thing, it is how it is, I often find myself letting my anger out on my dear ones. Ok these are lemons and they make us sour.
How about sweet and juicy oranges sold in buckets for a ridiculous price (less than 5$ for 7 kg) at a local supermarket ?
Just like these:

The following happens: people go ape shit borderline insano deep-trance hardcore mentally bonkers ! ORANGES fucking ORANGES IN A BUCKET, use elbows, push, squeeze and start verbal fights without loosing sight on the oranges, eyes on the prize motherfuckers ! The rule is that you can fill a bucket with oranges but they have to stay in, I've seen the pyramids, I've seen some nasty and desperate shit until now but I was never confronted with a pyramid of oranges reaching out of some cheap bucket. The cashiers deserve a prize for keeping calm, each time the conveyor belt moved oranges were dropping hard, those greedy fucks couldn't keep them all and the agony of loosing 3 oranges was priceless. Like I said before I've seen some desperate shit so far, I've seen a toddler girl stealing a bag of cheesy puffs from one of her mates, she went with it in a corner and while the other kids and parents tried to take the bag away she shoved in as many as possible ... just like a hyena, but instead of blood, her face was covered in a mix of snot saliva and cheesy puff crumbs ... had a wild sparkle of joy in her eyes. Just before Christmas I've seen a geezer eating a kiwi in the grossest way possible, while waiting for his dame to do the groceries, he grabbed a kiwi squashed it with his hands the juice was pouring down his hands on his jacket and was was munching on it like a fucking savage ... never paid for it. Still these two events were nothing compared to the "oranges in a bucket" incident, fuck my life that behavior is the proof that there still is a savage part behind all the civilized thing. What are the effects of eating a shitload of oranges ? besides long shifts for the guys down at the sewage treatment plant, will everybody's skin turn orange and look like the mongs from Jersey Shore ? I could make a joke about a guy named Karl Pilkington and laugh how his head looks like a fucking orange but Karl is to majestic I would say godly in comparison with those apes. A cheeky cunt in her twenties tried to sneak out some other stuff hidden between the oranges (hiding something in a transparent bucked is like hiding behind a wire mesh fence), security took her away for a quick anal gang rape.
Burn them with fire !

Verdict 2011

Each year begins with great expectations, planing ahead, looking forward for whatever, corporations set targets, the advertising industry uses the same tricks (make a huge fuss, announce the latest and best products ... release them before Easter or summer holidays, use the same strategy in summer release before Christmas) same story over and over again. 2011 was a busy year for me, great year for some reasons crappy year for other reasons.
Ladies and gentlemen I present you my 2011 my expectations and accomplishments:
1st the most important things and my impressions:
- my birthday: I'm a moderately spoiled thing and my birthday represents a major event each year, you know looking forward to receive nice presents ... major disappointment this year.
- our wedding in June: to hot, to much of a headache, glad its over.
- our honeymoon: both of us agreed that a proper vacation is to be taken every year, proper shagging twice a day, no cooking, no laundry, no hassle, visit new places be different for two weeks (thinking about making this our family motto)
- my mother had surgery: fuck everything, she needs the best doctors doesn't matter what it takes, definitely worth the effort she made a quick recovery and she is well now.
- Us embassy and visa: one of my dreams came true just in time not to turn into one of my biggest frustration, yes ! we are able to relocate to the US ... I've heard something which sounds somehow like "each achievement creates more problems" but that is still to be found out.
2nd my impressions and comments on the 2011 movies I've seen so far:
- X-Men: First Class: mneh improvement for marvel
- Thor: does my hair look alright ?
- Super 8: felt asleep
- Limitless: drugs yummy
- Rango: good one
- Sucker Punch: wank material but still crap
- Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides: disappointment
- The Way Back: was tired, it kept me awake loved it
- Adjustment Bureau: my doorknob wont turn the other way !
- Red State: yeeeeha for possum stew
- Paul: brits they are funny
- Hanna: interesting, worth watching
- Water for Elephants: 1 thing ! the fang fag ruined the movie
- The Veteran: again british = good
- Hangover 2: gross and a dude looses his finger but its okay
- Bad Teacher: gave me a bonner
- Horrible Bosses: the only thing I can remember are Jennifer Anistons legs
- Friends With Benefits: they fucked didn't they ?
- Colombiana: don't bother
- Our Idiot Brother: liked it
- Warrior: the good brother wins
- Killer Elite: 2 wankers take over SAS
- Moneyball: cant understand baseball the movie is motivating
Were are the people like Kurosawa, Tarantino and the other awesome directors ?

3rd music releases and expectations:
High expectations, nothing worth writing about, the skrillex dude might make it legendary. Okay there was a lot going on in the music industry, some got back together some broke up, some released new albums and others changed their stage name but nothing important. Oh that chick genius od'd.

4th video games:
- Skyrim: arrow to the knee ... seriously this one made it the game of the year ?
- Portal 2: felt asleep while playing
- Diablo 3: wait a minute ! or a week or a few months till it gets released

5th events which will make in the history books:
- the fuss in Egypt: hope they wont blow off the pyramids
- Libya: America and Europe need oil, arm the rebels and kill the womanizer
- The Japanese shake down and nuclear disaster: I like the Japanese and there is no fun to be made in that direction.
- Royal wedding in the UK: who the FUCK cares ? mine was more important
- Osama bin Laden: took a bullet while sleeping ! legit bravery

6th (should be 2nd) I rediscovered the joy of cycling, the joy of owning nice bikes and cycle equipment, actually this is one of my plans for this year get proper bikes and equipment. The joy of listening to audio books, pod casts, comedy shows on a decent pair of headphones (more about this in another post), its just great to have a long hike/ride/walk and listen to something interesting.
Thats about it ! Not worth mentioning overrated things like the iPhone 4S, the new BMW 1M or the most overrated of them all that Ken Block twat ... bitch please win a wrc series 1st, after that you can priggle around in your shitty boiler on wheels.
2012 is supposed to deliver the Armageddon, mayans ...
cheer up !

Knobbing about

Ahhh lovely its that time of the year when families come together near the dead tree (which by the way stings like a motherfucker), sing carols, everybody talks at the same time and all of the sudden this eggnog driven cheerful family decides to unwrap the presents. How pretty is everything wrapped, how neat are Santa's elves (why did my auto correct change Santa into Satan ?). We start unwrapping, a drunk voice shouts from the other side of the room "just rip the damn wrapping paper, you can't use it again anyway, you stingy worm !", my wife insists to buy nice presents for everybody, by nice I mean expensive, I don't mind buying something nice if I know I will get something equally nice in exchange but usually its not the case. She made a lot of fuss about the presents this year, we bought nice things together and I bought some nice things for her ... guess what I ended up with a fucking shaver, the classic oversize pajama and some sort of sock I can wear on my head. Its not fair after all the hassle, sitting in traffic, queuing, cleaning and generally being a nice lad for Satan (it did it again, santanist tablet !) to end up with a sock I can wear on my head, for fucks sake ! Honestly I can't be bothered next year, a pair of socks a mug which says "Happy Hanukkah" and a cassette with carols, they better pretend they love my gift !
On the 2nd day of Christmas we visited some relatives and somehow they don't seem to understand that I don't like to drink, again I'll have a drink with people I like but not with them, because me being drunk is me making unpleasant comments and having a disorderly laugh by myself, friends would understand they wont.
Today being the last one of 2011 we prepare for the new years eve and we are going to this spa with some people my wife knows and I'm not really happy to mingle with. It will pass soon enough 00:00 happy new year bla bla yeeay (indifferent face) ... go home, done. Texting or sending out messages bothers me the most, people send me a lot of them, I'm never in the mood to do it and it pisses me off that by receiving text messages I feel obliged to answer in the same manner, cheerful words and rubbish like that. Whats wrong with people sending text messages ? if you want me to be happy send something over, invite us to your shindig, come over if you are a girl or send your girlfriend or wife to rub me one for the sake of that particular holiday, you know so I can see you meant it !
I had this week off work and plenty time to do what I want alone at home, amongst other things I got to read a book called "Earth (the book)", the guy who wrote it (Jon Stewart) was taking a piss at the by then extinct human race, aliens would read a guide we left behind which approached various topics like religion, society and stuff. Another thing I realized while having a walk is that dogs like to take a shit in clean and dry spots, the weather was miserable huge puddles everywhere and I was walking on the curb for being higher and cleaner except the curbs have piles of dog shit all over them.

Yeah well this is it for 2011, I don't know what to say lets hope things will turn out fine for everybody.

Willie Nelson - "Superman" from Luck Films on Vimeo.

Where the nut trees grow

How is it that the crème de la scum hangs out in the same places in every town/city ? Never seen a train station without homeless persons, beggars or freaks escaped from the circus. Have you ever seen a farmers market without those fashion failures (cowboy boots, tight dirty jeans, tucked in shirt exposing chest hair and the occasional rib, gold necklace with a $ medallion, rings on each finger, mullet and gold teeth) lurking around for a deal ? I would talk about cemeteries also but I'm quite sure no hobo or creepo would try to make a living around a cemetery in any other country because I'm certain no widow would bring cheese cake in the cemetery to feed the homeless, its true we don't have to many crazy cat ladies nor obsessed pigeon feeders but its customary to feed beggars and bums ... lets be honest now ! we are a dog loving nation, cats are pretty much extinct and the pigeons, well they are delicious. How can a generous soul make charity in these conditions ? feed cheesecake to the homeless !
Back to the hot spots, yes ! its understandable they try to make a living there because its crowded and everything but for fucks sake don't let them sleep in the waiting area, some are really well disguised as travellers (hauling around huge bags full of stuff) and how can you kick out a traveller waiting for his train ?
- I'm a traveller mother fuckers ! there's no showering and washing machines in travelling, I'm the original globetrotter ! homeless my ass ! please sir can you spare some change? the atm won't accept my american express black card !
Serious business with these globetrotters, they seem to miss each train and in addition they try to out stink each other, biohazard warfare, students tried to rebel against Gillette agreeing upon a no shave November ... tsss kids. This might be a part of how society works, place a bunch of actors in front of each train station and pay them to act "the aristocrats" joke:

Imagine seeing this in front of the train or bus station (its not far from the truth)? The other day I was talking with a fat friend of mine, he is also a movie maker known as Michael Moore about this idea of mine, this everything might be a corporatist idea in order to prevent the labour migration, disgust the adventurous worker form the moment he enters the public transportation station, don't provide decent restrooms the good old hole in the ground is enough if you miss it at least wear brown trousers (closed shoes are suggested), the transport means are kept running for the illusion of freedom but are uncomfortable and stink ... all this in order to prevent people from getting the wrong idea while visiting their parents.
The same story goes for the markets also, it can't be that nasty for its meant to sell food and such but the mullet dealer will harass any potential customer making the place uncomfortable and drive the sheep towards the corporatist super markets.
Markets, train stations are dusty smell bad, if you want to meet a nice lady you need to drive to the outskirts of your city at some dodgy parking lot for trucks that's not fun ! Why not live in a park in a pretty place like I do, I sell drugs in a night club, at least as a tosser there I get to wear perfume and my teeth have a sexy shine in the black light.
For a great lust packed drug and alcohol driven experience please check out one of my new favourite TV shows called simply but so elegant "Skins", make sure to avoid the US version just get the original UK one. After this nothing will seem out of line trust me.
So Christmas is about to happen again lets listen to something nice from my personal stash:


mneh ...

Everything goes !

Here is the thing, for a while now I'm fascinated with the behavior of people and how everybody pretends to be disgusted by subjects involving porn, cheating, drugs, personal kinks, fetishes, addiction and other stuff. I've been looking around, at faces, tried to figure out how persons act in order to hide their true nature, how they try to beat natural instincts with discipline, some act pretty well while others are ridiculous. To make this more clear, for instance I know a guy who pretends to be interested only in the serious things in life and pretends to be guided by morality without exceptions and apparently is not interested in gossip and cheap entertainment. It happened I had to send some E-mails form his computer (at his workplace) and while looking after the documents I had to attach to my E-mails, I was surprised to find a download folder full of porn and fucked up music (oriental rhythm, lyrics about money, cars, women, love, enemies, broken heart similar to trash rap, performed by gipsies), I was amazed ! I had to look deeper and went for his browsing history ... damn ! he used that pc for porn only, who would search for "alien porn" or "mail-order porn stars", do I need to mention the stack of celebrity magazines on his desk ? The opposite happens with persons who are identified as being involved in the wrong activity, how come that all gold diggers and known whores are interested in science and charity ? they need to balance out the rot with something noble. I'm pretty sure I wont find a quantum physics treaty on their pc either. However I don't blame nor judge anybody but it creeps me how well we conceal our true nature and how judgmental some are ... its pure guilt and the fear of being discovered triggers a violent response !
Nobody should go balls out and admit he's a glue and gossip addict, some restrain is mandatory but in a friends circle when all others talk about their experiences with substance or affairs should be okay to share and that is the best way to realize that nothing freakish is going on with you, other people are doing it too and its fine as long as it does not cause any harm or is abusive towards others ... in that case one went to far and probably need to be put down. For a few years now I'm reading a website called reddit.com, people publish funny pictures, openly talk about different subjects in a civilized and objective manner(most of the time), users publish "ask me anything" "I am a" "today I learned" topics and by the anonymity offered by the internet, questions and opinions are shared without to much judging (again most of the time, there are exceptions also). I've seen some interesting things going on there, from "IAMA Area 51 former employee AMA" or "AMA my grandmother was a secretary in the project Philadelphia, she will answer your questions" to "AMA I'm a guy who had sex with his sister" <----<< ok this went to far, I'm not judging him but its kinda sick.

I was stunned by the amount of serious questions and the guy answered as many as possible, pregnancy scares ? or have you ever been caught ? everything was asked and from the comments I could tell people were pretty cool about it, some pretended to have "a weird boner" ... the discussion went on and on until some guy pointed out that the story was actually a hoax. There is a need to be able to talk freely under the protection of anonymity this could actually help a lot of people and if the subject I mentioned before was tolerated, then where is the limit ? everything goes under anonymity ? it shouldn't be such a surprise then if you find out your parents are married just to be in line with the society and live a secret life.
Regarding reddit.com ... its an awesome tool if you want to get an idea about how people really are and this not in a bad way.

Good ! this being sorted ! lets listen to this:


Lyrics: wubwubwub nehnehweeh yoi yoi yoi whabwuhb

Modern disease

Ever since our pitiful existence mankind fought against disease using various techniques. Primitive shaman cures with groovy hallucinogenic herbs, medieval procedures involving unwashed hands, big hammers and pliers, creepy Victorian surgery, forceps and God knows what else was used to cure various physical affections. With the invention of antibiotics people were pretty much saved and free to overpopulate the planet, the deadly diseases these days kill people on the long run and are not transmissible. In this pink world some twater decided to get mentally ill, others followed him with various sorts of loony odd conditions and here we are people have psychological issues. The doctors tried to figure this out and came up with a gruesome treatment which involved shoving a fucking long nail in your eye (called orbitoclast) in order to mess with your brain(prefrontal cortex more precisely)and eventually calm the fuck down any hyper mental ninja ... I proudly present you with the banned practice of lobotomy. As the mentals did not fear to get stabbed in the eye with a needle the procedure was replaced with medication and nowadays we have medication for everything and everybody can rest assure that his illness is under control. Adjustment disorder, borderline intellectual functioning, antisocial personality disorder, bibliomania (bookophile), conversion disorder, selective mutism (when you cant speak to women ?), exhibitionism, kleptomania (perfect excuse, right for persons who want a career in burglarism ), learning disorders (I had this one, I had it treated with a vigorous whack over my head from my dear mother), narcissistic personality disorder (people in love with themselves), megalomania, tourette's syndrome (fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck) ... you name it, it exists and somebody is getting treatment for it ! rad right ?
I'm not talking here about serious illnesses like autism or sad stuff like this but is this self induced imaginary things people like to suffer from, come on ! you can't just walk into a shop steal something, if you get busted you show a medical evidence for kleptomania and you are free to walk, this is muffed up ! common sense should tell you to stop. I'll tell whats the problem here, people are bored everything is so comfy these days, no wood to chop, no cattle to herd, no neighbors to fight over the water source, plenty of time to let your head mess with you. Yes ! this is why I like to keep myself busy so I wont have the time to think about my suitable disease. Tried my best not to be affected by these modern conditions but while keeping my mouth shut, my eyes closed, my ears plugged and my hands in my pockets something might have went up my buttox straight to my head and its messing with it. The whole moving over to the US gives me thoughts and a lot of what ifs come along ... I'm suffering from the comfort zone behavioral state which is linked to some anxiety condition fancy schmancy. Basically my melon is telling me that I should not take any risks because its pretty good right here and how comfy my life is, my answer to that is fuck it ! its a pathetic excuse to myself for not being awesome like Barney Stinson. I gave it some time and lectured some articles about this condition and it turned out this behavior is a genetic remain from our cavemen ancestors which had good reasons to fear foreign and unknown places, food, water and shelter were a major issue back then, our world right now is pretty safe, almost risk free if you mind your business. Others say that its dictated by an entity in the brain, well they must be bored or suffer from one of those sad conditions I'm not making fun of. My own and personal opinion about this "comfort zone" is that its related to a certain routine which works for me and therefore I feel good but not accomplished, I'm a pretty open person willing to try new stuff, improve myself within my capabilities, profit from opportunities ... almost everything is worth trying, we're here for this long after all.
Alright ! from cheesy to badass industrial with my mates from Rammstein !

Rammstein - Mein Land from Rammstein on Vimeo.

guess they are trying a comeback after the cock-up with the "Liebe ist fur alle da" album.

This is bonkers !

Here is the thing ! Last week my wife and I made the 1st steps towards our new life and starting with 2012 we will begin with our fantastic American adventure, yep we are moving to the US. Our families are pretty shocked over our decision, the news of receiving the permit to travel to the US came like a punch in the gut for most of our family members, hey my grandparents are not even realizing whats going on ... they are just happy. Hell ! even my wife's cousin from Italy (she is also a dear friend of mine) won't believe it, that's probably because I kept bullshitting her every time I had a chance, made her once believe that wet willies are good for proper brain ventilation.
Even my wife, she cant imagine herself moving away, honestly this matter constitutes a bit of a problem for me also but as I know myself as being pretty good in this kind of situations I'm pretty sure I will handle it quite fine. I'm aware that my comfy period is over for a while but who the hell wants to be comfy in a place like this ? Honestly, besides my childhood adventures and some disgusting teenage situations I've got no awesome stories to tell, I want to become one of those cool guys with a healthy tan in the middle of the winter without visiting tanning saloons, cracking jokes and sharing my adventures in front of a crowd on the top of a gnarly double black diamond slope towards France in the Swiss alps , after jerking tears of joy from the enthusiastic audience I should swoosh away on my rocked powered skies. For a while now I'm thinking to work on a book were I would like to abuse my rich imagination and combine it with some actual facts ... imagination is great for entertainment but it has to be built on real events, otherwise I will end up writing a new version of the bible and call it "the last testament" perhaps "the new testament after an awesome dude with a healthy tan in the middle of the winter" or the geeky version written in magneto font "T.N.T. V.2.00" or the upper case version where every word shouts at the reader leaving people half deaf after reading the entire book.
I tell you I've got plans a whole lot of them ! you know the feeling when as a child you were dreaming about the day when you will ride your bike without the training wheels, I'm looking forward to this experience ever since I graduated high school. How would you feel if you knew you will move not just to a more civilized country but to the best city in the whole wide world ? how ? awesome right ? how would you come every morning into the office ? like a boss right ? I'm not going to become a complete asshole and refuse to work or shit like this but somehow my well being and happy state seems to squeeze my dear office companion's balls, each time he complains about some shit I tell him how awesome my general mood is and yes I do have perspective, my road is yet to be walked and what a great road it is ! The best thing about this entire story is that my favorite part of the family is already there and waiting ... pretty damn awesome !!!
That's it for now, need plane tickets !

Hello again, to all my friends
Together we can play some rock 'n' roll

I must admit this as being my guilty pleasure for the past week, I'm not really into this "umts umts umts" music.

Approach on meds !

Now this is something worth pausing my video game for, it's actually outrageous ! I'm talking about medicine adds on tv and medicine adds in general. 1st of all why do they need to advertise meds on TV, if your doctor prescribes something you will get to the pharmacy and buy that exact type of pill, not a purple one not a swarovsky crystal engraved one and of course not the one you've seen on the teli last evening. I mean what the hell? Are there people buying pills just because the've seen a man riding happily a horse which recommends them to be wonder pills ? I don't know what to say ... If you can't ride your horse or sit properly you might have some problems with your shitter, there is also a great chance for you to be diagnosed as being a faggot, which sane man rides his horse smiling ? all male horse riders are the mean tough as a coffin nail type (except the mafia underfed midgets known as jokey's). Of course if you're aware of your gay illness I would suggest to change something in your personal life, forget the stud, go asian maybe ?
Back to the TV commercials, things get messed up people, I know a few persons which buy their sight glasses from the market, honestly they go there to a gippo witchdoctor and try on a few glasses ...
"oh lovely these fit my left eye just fine, is there a chance to switch the lenses from other glasses ?"
"no switch ! buy both for 5$"
not the ideal way to chose your spectacles, with the courtesy of TV adds encouraging self medication any knob polisher can become a doctor. Maybe there are enough reasons to discuss about some conspiracies how the secret organizations like the sadomasochists plan to kill as many as possible to keep the planet for themselves. The main reason I chose to write about these commercials because I find it disturbing that in almost each one of them appear a few kids playing, ok kids are awesome but what's the message behind a spot with some children playing in the back yard, the children fade in a grey image and something like "PROCTO CLEAN, CLEAN AS A WHISTLE" appears. Do those children need to take a crap ? Will you take a crap like a child ? I don't get it but please do not use children in your upcoming anal bleach add.
Look here ...

Are the pills in that funny colored box for the children, I would have some if I were a child, why the hell not if that cool dude needs them to pop the bag in his grampa's face I'd love to pop a bag in my grampa's face also.

Chasing ambulances

Woke up this morning at 4:30 am in order to take a work related trip, I was heading towards a town which is almost 400 km away. I need like 12 hours to go there do the stuff I have to do and come back but to do so I can't just drive the car I need to pilot it ! Morning ... streets empty, I went for it ! felt like Clint Eastwood in the wild west, guns blazing pedal to the metal kind of shit or volle pulle how my German friend like to call it. To bad we don't have the autobahn here but instead we've got some dodgy pieces of asphalt with a white line in the middle we like to call national roads. Anyway at some point I had a ambulance in front of my car, the ambulance was on a mission with lights and sirens the whole circus in effect, the ambulance driver was beating the shit that Mercedes van (pretty fast things with turbo charged diesel engines) but still he wasn't fast enough. I was thinking how bad would it be if I would overtake the ambulance, after all if I follow it people stay out of my way but if I stay behind it at 120 kph (in a 50 kph area) I will lose time. WENT for it ! I was so pumped it didn't matter I was overtaking on a double continuous lane and over a pedestrian crossing doing 150 kph. My fun ended swiftly when I saw a police car monitoring the traffic, the police man didn't even managed to get out of the car I had my signal lights on and was about to pull over.
The dude came out and asked me if I knew what I did ... well I knew to well but I needed a god excuse to keep my license and not get a great money penalty. As I was carrying some industrial stuff with me (a pump and some other parts) I told the cop that my behaviour is justified as an emergency also (like an ambulance wtf!) because I'm carrying those equipments to a hospital in a certain town which needs them that morning for the people coming in for their dialysis. Of course I admitted my offence also. The cop was thinking and thinking (I almost shat myself) ... than he spoke:
- Look I wont let you go just with a warning, I will fine you for not having your fog lights on and you also need to promise me you will behave.
- Yes KIND SIR ! I will ! were do I sign ?
- Thank you ! bye !
After I got a fine worth the equivalent of 10$, I thought I was on my way to catch up with the ambulance ... and I did too ! at nearly 1 km away from were I was fined, an underpaid asshole (exactly like I am, I was a selfish moron dumb twat for driving like that) tried to climb a tree with a company branded Chevrolet Spark, he lost some teeth in the process, the ambulance was for him. Well I've arrived home 2 hours later than planned, but I'm here writing about it, not in some hospital sipping my dinner trough a straw. Bad road manners kill people ... I've had enough !

This suits this topic:

Iggy for president !

Them shepherds ...

Shepherds massive wankers that's what they are, forget those nice tales about the kind shepherd which saved the universe, its a pile of manure, another folk tale were kids are teached to trust the figure of the kind shepherd. Reality differs, they are a bunch of unwashed, nasty smelling, hermit wannabes, drink a lot, sheep fuckers. The reason I got to hate these antisocial dumb asses is because they know to ruin a perfectly great day in the nature, each time I go for a hike I need to look out for the shepherd on duty and not for dangerous snakes, wolves or 3 headed chimeras ... nooo shepherds are the natural enemy of the hiker, they hate hikers !
As you probably figured it out already I live in a 2,5 world country (not 3rd world country because you can actually see obese people around, you know they're rich if they're fat) and trying to make the best living as possible here and take advantage of everything, the County Council opened a few bicycle tracks around the town I live in, stellar idea ! OK I got a go a couple of weeks ago on one of the tracks, fancied it and asked my lazy wife to join me (not work shy lazy but running after a ball lazy) next time. We went together today, nice autumn weather, nice forest, after we managed to get over the uphill part of the trail we had a great downhill ride ahead ... but after a few hundred meters the path was blocked by a fuckload of sheep, I went 1st and asked my wife to keep close, suddenly out of nowhere 4 shepherd dogs started to bark and chase me, I'm not really scared of dogs but I'm not comfortable with 4 ginormous white canines of death chasing me, what the holly trinity of swear words should I do ? pedal my way the fuck out ? get of my bike and fight them with my bad breath ? ... instructed my wife to follow me, made sure all 4 mutts were following me and I went absolutely mental full speed charging any dog in my way and also kicking any of them attempting to take a bite out of my boots. They chased me a while and stopped then I looked back if my wife was there ... of course she thought that if all 4 of them were chasing me why should she keep close and make a getaway together, right now I was so damn pissed I took a heavy piece of wood shaped like a katana and went back with the intention to kill those fucking dogs and the shepherd, fuck it its self defence, he lets lose his aggressive dogs on a public hiking trail, I will shove a piece of wood full of splints up his ass. After a while my wife came towards me, riding her bicycle like she just came from the flower market and she was like why did you pedalled so fast ?.... bloody hell !!! because If I had stopped to check my mascara those dogs would have probably given me a violent nose and butt cheeks jobs. Anyway I'm glad we came out unharmed, obviously she got scared and scared + stupid = freeze, thanks God the dogs came after me and not after her, she only weights 44 kg (you can tell we are not rich).
Now back to the shepherds, the dogs are innocent honestly, they bark and bite for a living, but here is the catch, I will kill any dog trying to bite or kick my ass, and most likely I will torture anyone which lets loose his mental ill dog, no bullshit !syringe pit (saw) style !
Right now I'm thinking to announce the police and let them know that an illiterate retard has 4 titanium teeth psycho dogs walking freely on a public track. From now on I will carry with me a can of bear mace, spray the living will out of the dogs and go after the jerk who feeds them. Glad I managed to take a few pictures from our trip, enjoy:



afternoon sleep on!

Hookers will be hooking

By means of extraterrestrial forces I've been caught in the relationship crisis vortex of some people my wife calls friends. Somehow my wife got attached to this colleague of hers, never understood why but for a period I was forced to hang out with her and her many boyfriends which couldn't make it trough high school. Each time she broke up with one of them she quickly managed to find a replacement, each time this happened my wife was happy to bring these dandy novelties to my knowledge. Same story over and over again:
"you know she met this guy, he is really great, he is so kind and talks so gentle with her, he brought her a sandwich at the pharmacy today, he likes hiking and skiing just like you do, we need to go out with them so that you can meet him"
I must admit it I felt for this trickery to often, we went out, I got to meet the new guy, "look Andi he likes hiking just like you do" (frankly I don't give a shit about anyone's hobbies) amazing ! I'm glad for you new dude who likes to hike, your name is more than enough for the 1st forced contact, I use to forget their names anyway. With no exception the new dudes loves to get into a dick measuring contest with me (just like 2 dogs which met for the 1st time on the playground and play the "who's the alpha mutt" game) talks loud and plenty, makes references to his awesome friends, big money topics are never avoided. Gently but surely I like to guide the conversation towards our jobs and employer ... oh well this is were I get an idea about what kind of people I'm dealing with and even if you are a poet being a driver or a night guard can't be sweetened up. So basically that's her league, van drivers for some construction companies and night guards I've seen now a few of her boyfriends and all had this type of job. Right know we are facing a horrible break up story on one side and a fresh romance on the other side, while the left boyfriend calls us desperately trash talking my wife's colleague she invites us to meet the knew stud in her stable, I'm pretty feed up with this drama. The left one considers he is the victim and in a desperate attempt to win our friendship (I don't know why, my signs are pretty clear to fuck off) he pours poison in my ears and occasionally tells me some crap his bitch of an two faced ex-lover thinks about me, my wife and our marriage. This sounds like a mexican soapi staring 1 twisted to much make up wearing cunt, rabidly neurotic ex boyfriend, a new white trash van driver and the couple which makes an appearance once each season on the Christmas episode playing the better family. I got to grew up with different kind of people some were like the sun you couldn't watch them without sun glasses because they were brilliant, normal people, looking like whip cream chocolate cake but tasted like fermented manure kind(and the other way around)and obviously the "not worth my time" envy filled haters, due to my overwhelming experience with people its pretty easy to see whats behind the shit load of make up, she will get a t-shirt which says “Sympathy one receives for nothing, envy must be earned.” She probably wont get the allusion but I will enjoy it because I'm awesome and still feel the need to improve myself, envy update ftw.
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The fucked up part above had to be documented to make sure I won't forget my ideas but now something awesome:
The Red Hot Chili Peppers will release at the end of this month called "I'm with you", I posted the new single on my previous intervention, looking forward to listen to the entire album. More stellar news ! we bought an iPad 2 which I fancy, still need to buy an epic noise-canceling headset from AKG, which are badass.
Now look at this guy, he doesn't give a crap

New language pack

I anticipated this situation but I hoped it wont ever happen.
As I'm not really happy with my current geographical location I want to move somewhere else, another country, another continent, another time zone (50 years forward on the scale of civilization). Now ! right now is the perfect moment to do this, I had a meeting with a few peoples which offer counseling for emigration, things got really clear, me and my wife are eligible for the emigration process but we need to learn french. Actually I need to master french as good as possible since I'm the main applicant and my knowledge will be rated higher. I've studied french for about 6 years during primary and high school but my teachers were a bunch of miserable communists trained to keep their pupils away from capitalist cultures. My french knowledge was pretty much close to zero but I manned up, bought a few books and I'm learning french now, the language I knew as being impossibly repulsive is actually pretty easy to learn and its a refreshing activity after a boring day of routine at work. I'm really happy because I feel like I'm making consistent progress but still I've got a long way ahead, my wife likes it also even though she finds it hard to pronounce certain words. Not sure where my motivation comes from, I'm in a complete disagreement with almost everything what's happening around me, the sum of certain factors ignited something in me.
So french it is ! I will walk this road and see where it will take me ...

Fin !

Salty honey moon !

Shortly after our epic wedding we went in our well deserved honey moon, our 1st choice was a place in Italy called Cinque Terre, five isolated towns on the coast of the Mediterranean sea, the only mean of transport between these five towns is by walking 10~12 KM between each town on man made paths through the mountains along the coast. Of course incompetent travel agencies which make their living in my town couldn't offer us a vacation there so I wanted to organize everything by myself ... unfortunately there was a risk of remaining without a hotel room at some point and I wasn't comfortable with this.
Like every boring and freshly wed couple we decided to spend our honey moon in Turkey, an absolutely unexceptional destination. If you like annoying little black people which want to sell something that's the place for you !
Our honey moon started once we arrived at Antalya airport, pretty nice modern building, we took a bus to the hotel, on the 40 minutes bus ride I could observe what kind of people are living there, a lot of garbage on the side of the roads, shanty town architecture, occasionally incoming traffic on the freeways (which in my opinion is proposturos). As we approached the area were the hotels and resorts are, we could see fancy vegetation behind tall fences and thick walls, it's a weird feeling if you drive through a shanty town like area towards a high class resort. Easy check-in at the hotel, we had a nice room overlooking the swimming pool and the sea, we arrived just in time for dinner so we went down in the restaurant and got something to eat, great variety of food therefore choosing was hard and it got even harder as days passed and we discovered the grill bar or other places in the resort. After a quick walk around the resort we crashed in the hotel lobby and got some drinks. Next morning ACTION !!! took a couple of sunbeds, my wife was sunbathing as I was reading a newspaper which I got for free in the airport or took a swim in the sea. Everything was great and quiet until a mob of entertainers stormed the beach, inviting everybody to take part on various activities, riffle shooting, water gym, water polo, boccia, darts and what not ... awesome. It went like this every day at one point I realized that the people in the entertainment team were the same each day, it didn't matter if it was Sunday or any other day of the week, I took a closer look at the other staff members, bartenders were the same, waiters the same, basically people there were working at least 16 hours shifts each day, that seemed disturbing and I felt sorry for them. As days past I got to knew some members of the staff and I couldn't help myself and I asked whats the deal with those shifts, indeed they are working 16 hours shifts, 6 days/week but they get to stay in the hotel and eat in the hotel restaurant like the tourists do and they rotate between various working areas each day (this guy was a bartender, and during the week he works in 5 different bars, the poll bars is the busiest). I gave it a thought and its actually not that bad, they get to keep their earnings, don't need to pay for food, water/electricity/gas bills. Another thing that bothered me there was the massive waste of food, some of the fucking tourist like to fill 5 plates with food will taste from each plate and walk away leaving a good amount of food which has to be thrown away. I guess the untouched food gets donated or served again at dinner but what about those leftovers ? since Turkey is not a pork eating country they can't feed their animals with those leftovers or maybe they process the food later. My wife insisted to visit a few places, our 1st trip was in the great city of Antalya, pretty nice, turned out that the garbage on the side of the road was meant for filling for the roads they are about to build, those shanty towns are actually new towns in development (that area was barren until the 1980's German investors raised the 1st resorts). Ok I must admit that I was about to lose my temper when we visited some leather store and a fucking dipshit of a sales guy managed to piss me off, he tried to sell me a leather coat (which was ugly by the way) at the great price of 1500 Euro's, he went to far and I told him to shove it up his ass because I won't buy it unless it comes with a matching porn studio. Same story in a Swiss watch and jewelery store were my wife was the pray for the sales person there. The second trip was a more organized group trip, a nice boat ride on a damn cold river, later we sailed from that river into the sea ... great trip ! we got to see a mosque, the biggest mosque in the region and I was impressed that the Muslims are really decent, if that mosque was the biggest one in that area were the main city had almost 2.000.000 inhabitants than we Christians are a bunch of ridiculously proud douche bags, I know at least 3 churches in my town (150.000 people) which are bigger or at least equal to that mosque. I've also learned a lesson on that trip, avoid fellow Romanians by all means,we are a damn maggot eaten nation instead of feeling love for each-other we hate our guts ! At the hotel I used to hang out with some Polack, Ukrainian and Russian dudes because I didn't knew about any other Romanians there, well plenty Romanians because I've seen them before the trip, believe me nobody talked to nobody, everybody was so damn important ... not nice. In general our honey moon was fine and relaxing, I'm not a fan of these kind of holidays, to much sun, to much food (everything tastes the same), not a great variety of activities, close to zero cultural value ... at least my wife learned how to swim and learned to enjoy an awesome pool.
Some pictures:




The adventures of Rain Dance Maggie: