Sunday, July 31, 2011

New language pack

I anticipated this situation but I hoped it wont ever happen.
As I'm not really happy with my current geographical location I want to move somewhere else, another country, another continent, another time zone (50 years forward on the scale of civilization). Now ! right now is the perfect moment to do this, I had a meeting with a few peoples which offer counseling for emigration, things got really clear, me and my wife are eligible for the emigration process but we need to learn french. Actually I need to master french as good as possible since I'm the main applicant and my knowledge will be rated higher. I've studied french for about 6 years during primary and high school but my teachers were a bunch of miserable communists trained to keep their pupils away from capitalist cultures. My french knowledge was pretty much close to zero but I manned up, bought a few books and I'm learning french now, the language I knew as being impossibly repulsive is actually pretty easy to learn and its a refreshing activity after a boring day of routine at work. I'm really happy because I feel like I'm making consistent progress but still I've got a long way ahead, my wife likes it also even though she finds it hard to pronounce certain words. Not sure where my motivation comes from, I'm in a complete disagreement with almost everything what's happening around me, the sum of certain factors ignited something in me.
So french it is ! I will walk this road and see where it will take me ...

Fin !

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Salty honey moon !

Shortly after our epic wedding we went in our well deserved honey moon, our 1st choice was a place in Italy called Cinque Terre, five isolated towns on the coast of the Mediterranean sea, the only mean of transport between these five towns is by walking 10~12 KM between each town on man made paths through the mountains along the coast. Of course incompetent travel agencies which make their living in my town couldn't offer us a vacation there so I wanted to organize everything by myself ... unfortunately there was a risk of remaining without a hotel room at some point and I wasn't comfortable with this.
Like every boring and freshly wed couple we decided to spend our honey moon in Turkey, an absolutely unexceptional destination. If you like annoying little black people which want to sell something that's the place for you !
Our honey moon started once we arrived at Antalya airport, pretty nice modern building, we took a bus to the hotel, on the 40 minutes bus ride I could observe what kind of people are living there, a lot of garbage on the side of the roads, shanty town architecture, occasionally incoming traffic on the freeways (which in my opinion is proposturos). As we approached the area were the hotels and resorts are, we could see fancy vegetation behind tall fences and thick walls, it's a weird feeling if you drive through a shanty town like area towards a high class resort. Easy check-in at the hotel, we had a nice room overlooking the swimming pool and the sea, we arrived just in time for dinner so we went down in the restaurant and got something to eat, great variety of food therefore choosing was hard and it got even harder as days passed and we discovered the grill bar or other places in the resort. After a quick walk around the resort we crashed in the hotel lobby and got some drinks. Next morning ACTION !!! took a couple of sunbeds, my wife was sunbathing as I was reading a newspaper which I got for free in the airport or took a swim in the sea. Everything was great and quiet until a mob of entertainers stormed the beach, inviting everybody to take part on various activities, riffle shooting, water gym, water polo, boccia, darts and what not ... awesome. It went like this every day at one point I realized that the people in the entertainment team were the same each day, it didn't matter if it was Sunday or any other day of the week, I took a closer look at the other staff members, bartenders were the same, waiters the same, basically people there were working at least 16 hours shifts each day, that seemed disturbing and I felt sorry for them. As days past I got to knew some members of the staff and I couldn't help myself and I asked whats the deal with those shifts, indeed they are working 16 hours shifts, 6 days/week but they get to stay in the hotel and eat in the hotel restaurant like the tourists do and they rotate between various working areas each day (this guy was a bartender, and during the week he works in 5 different bars, the poll bars is the busiest). I gave it a thought and its actually not that bad, they get to keep their earnings, don't need to pay for food, water/electricity/gas bills. Another thing that bothered me there was the massive waste of food, some of the fucking tourist like to fill 5 plates with food will taste from each plate and walk away leaving a good amount of food which has to be thrown away. I guess the untouched food gets donated or served again at dinner but what about those leftovers ? since Turkey is not a pork eating country they can't feed their animals with those leftovers or maybe they process the food later. My wife insisted to visit a few places, our 1st trip was in the great city of Antalya, pretty nice, turned out that the garbage on the side of the road was meant for filling for the roads they are about to build, those shanty towns are actually new towns in development (that area was barren until the 1980's German investors raised the 1st resorts). Ok I must admit that I was about to lose my temper when we visited some leather store and a fucking dipshit of a sales guy managed to piss me off, he tried to sell me a leather coat (which was ugly by the way) at the great price of 1500 Euro's, he went to far and I told him to shove it up his ass because I won't buy it unless it comes with a matching porn studio. Same story in a Swiss watch and jewelery store were my wife was the pray for the sales person there. The second trip was a more organized group trip, a nice boat ride on a damn cold river, later we sailed from that river into the sea ... great trip ! we got to see a mosque, the biggest mosque in the region and I was impressed that the Muslims are really decent, if that mosque was the biggest one in that area were the main city had almost 2.000.000 inhabitants than we Christians are a bunch of ridiculously proud douche bags, I know at least 3 churches in my town (150.000 people) which are bigger or at least equal to that mosque. I've also learned a lesson on that trip, avoid fellow Romanians by all means,we are a damn maggot eaten nation instead of feeling love for each-other we hate our guts ! At the hotel I used to hang out with some Polack, Ukrainian and Russian dudes because I didn't knew about any other Romanians there, well plenty Romanians because I've seen them before the trip, believe me nobody talked to nobody, everybody was so damn important ... not nice. In general our honey moon was fine and relaxing, I'm not a fan of these kind of holidays, to much sun, to much food (everything tastes the same), not a great variety of activities, close to zero cultural value ... at least my wife learned how to swim and learned to enjoy an awesome pool.
Some pictures:




The adventures of Rain Dance Maggie:

Monday, July 18, 2011

wait what ?!?!? I'm confuzzled !!!

Here is the situation, I was talking with one of my friends today about how far would a person go to earn money, good money ! since those "run naked across the town", "eat a piece of shit", "bang a disgustingly ugly old, fat and decaying twat" are a little bit to childish, we agreed upon talking only about badass tasks or challenges suited for mean bastards ... like I am !
I don't like other people telling stories, so I'm always the 1st one to talk and when I'm done I'm not listening what others have to say ... because I'm already in action with my groupies. So I told my friend my idea of the ultimate task for 1.000.000 Euros, 1 year in prison ! he said its not worth it, I got angry and if I think about it I would probably do 1 year for 100.000 Euros. 100.000 just for sitting around and waiting for a year to pass ... easy money ! if you look at it as a fucked up job which pays well, I would do it without hesitation. The question is how would I get the money ? rob a bank ? shank some old lady and drive off with her savings ? guess my badassery only goes so far, but as an experiment founded by the government were one has to live 1 year behind bars.
So if you are a dictator or the president of some country which has to give away 100.000 Euro's for 1 year of prison ... I'm your man !

People are to afraid of hard challenging tasks or jobs which leads to an overall state of mediocrity, we need to man up and embrace whats coming for us, profit from each opportunity, go braveheart crazy in any situation !!!



35 Celsius ...

Sunday, July 10, 2011

A wedding on the nightmare street !

Like previously announced I will make some pleasant and some unpleasant comments about what was my ... our wedding. My wife lived her entire life just for that day, she and her family planned almost everything, while me and my family were kinda pushed to the side, my mother suffered in silence a few days, my father and I ... we didn't care to much. With a month before the great event we were told that a wedding planner had to step in in order to straighten the shit up, we got to meet her and we got to talk about our preferences regarding the upcoming event. I've made it clear from the start, I'm not hot for following bullshit testicle grinding traditions, 1st because I hate useless traditions invented by some menopausal goiter ill lesbians from hell; 2nd because I'm afraid of fainting, I use to faint as a self defense technique which I've learned from a kung fu goat. The wedding planner was slightly surprised about how low profile I want everything to be, no chocolate fountain (these are vomitingly gross), no fireworks, no cheap bands (I would've loved to have the Stooges and Iggy Pop), no soap bubbles machine, no leprechauns, no narwhals ... basically no bollocks !!! She asked me if I was a rocker ... what the fuck lady ? do you do special weddings for rockers ? these were just a few questions which ran trough my mind instead I told her I'm an example of modesty and known for my good taste in almost everything (my tears taste awful, taste like purple eyes, smashed molars and fractured skulls combined)and as you might have already figured out I was not a fan.
As time passed the inevitable happened and believe me I enjoyed every moment, my lets say mother in law got in a clinch with the wedding planer and man that was awesome the poor lady had to do her job but under the strict iron fist supervision and that made the result driven self motivated wedding mastermind to calm the fuck down.
My only job was to hand out the wedding invitations(self made and awesome) and of course swallow the pathetic excuses some had for not showing up ... uhm you know I would love to come to your wedding but I'm planning to get a prostate exam ! thank you oh holly deity ! my scum bag of an office colleague had to get a lobotomy in that particular day.
The bride and the groom need to ask another two couples to become their God parents (traditions right?), ever since I know myself I wanted to pick a couple which I really admire and I managed to do that and .... they accepted ! hurray ! my ex office colleague she is one of the smartest and coolest woman I know and to top that she is a doctor in hydraulic engineering, her husband is a very pleasant/funny/great to talk to/ happy to advise/ entrepreneurship enthusiastic/ planning on retiring as a wealthy playboy ... words are not enough, great people ! My wife chose her cousin and her husband and she is more than welcome to talk about them on her own blog.
Fast forward to the day ! Sunday morning, very warm, we were expecting everybody to come over and take part to the wedding ... I was so relaxed until I saw my God parents and a few friends at the door ... it was on ! oh shit! oh shit! I got really nervous and sweaty, my heart started to beat faster and faster, drinks, pictures, more sweat ... I was about to call everything off, I would've rather went for a swim in a nearby lake than getting married. So with a knot in my stomach and a carrot up my ass we all went to get the bride, more family there more best wishes, more cheek kisses, more drinks ... the bride was ready and the groom with his family had to go and wait for her to the church without seeing the bride. Once we arrived at the church more friends were there and I felt like a demon possessed 14 year old girl which is about to get exorcised by the Vatican all star team. I had pain in my chest, I was dizzy, I was thirsty, finally my mother walked me to the altar shortly the bride followed, I never liked brides they creep me out but there she was, this one was one of the most beautiful one I've ever seen but still I couldn't forget my physical and emotional condition. Now here is something I despise, a groom can't see his bride in the wedding dress before the wedding because it brings bad luck, well fuck this ! fuck the jerk who invented this shit, I almost fainted because I didn't knew whats coming for me. The priest did his part very well he was quick and funny. At the restaurant the usual deal some drink their brains away and plan to walk home even if they live 50km away, others dance without interruption, some steal my wife and make me do a funny dance to bring her back .... well been there done that got the T-shirt, I wont repeat it again, check out some tweaked pics:




So that's about it two trolls got married !
Funny thing is that everybody asks if something changed between us after the weeding, I would say yes it did, somehow we can't agree on our future steps in life and it pisses me off that she has nothing planned, no dreams nothing to reach for and has this negative attitude towards my well intentioned plans. Before we used to keep our private shit private now we talk about it with various characters and I don't like it. Don't know what to say hope the situation wont degenerate into something ugly.
Here baby this is for you:

Don't ruin everything !

Ok maybe I'm a bit dramatic, next one about our honey moon in a land were people get to work 16 hours shifts !

Bazinga !